Oh yes, it’s that time of year again — time to inhale Thin Mints by the dozen! (Well, you can’t expect me to limit myself to only one… or seven... of those tasty suckers at a time.) Heck, a little girl was even pedaling cookies at the park this weekend, pulling out all the stops by dutifully wearing her uniform and sweetest smile while hitting up all of us sucker parents with her basket of goodies. Evil genius.
But not all Scouts are so clever in their approach, as you’ll see in our list of Top 10 Worst Girl Scout Cookie Sales Pitches:
10. Don’t worry — you’ll only have to run for three hours to burn off a box of Samoas!
9. Did Tagalongs exist when you were a Girl Scout waaaaaaaaay back when? How ’bout electricity?
8. With the money we make, our troop is going to contribute to Justin Bieber’s legal defense fund!
7. Is it just me, or do Thin Mints look like skunk pellets?
5. To be honest, I don’t care if you buy any. My mom’s guilting her colleagues into buying a TON of boxes.
4. I think it’s cool how the Do-Si-Dos match the color of Snooki’s skin.
3. With that breath, a box of Thins Mints would do you good.
2. If you buy a box of cookies, you’ll also be automatically added to the Girl Scouts’ twice-daily e-mail distribution list!
1. My dad told me to hit you up because you obviously like to inhale cookies.
Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).