Don’t Panic or Anything, But OMG THERE IS A WINE SHORTAGE!!!

Let your wine know how much you love it -- because you never know when it might be gone.

Let your wine know how much you love it — because you never know when it could be gone.

Some news that chilled me to the core:  Morgan Stanley Research reveals there is a WINE SHORTAGE, people, with global production falling five percent and worldwide consumption rising one percent.  I’m no fancy mathematician or anything, but by my calculations, that means I need to stop sharing my wine.  (Okay, okay,  you’re right… I need to continue not sharing my wine.)

So what can you to to help during this crisis?  The Laughing Stork experts share ways to pitch in:

1. Reinvent your monthly “Moms Who Need Wine” meet-up into “Moms Who Need Vodka.”

2. Plant a grape vine in loving memory of a Cabernet Sauvignon that is no longer with us.

3. Remove the wine from your Chicken and Red Wine Sauce dish to reduce your consumption of the endangered drink.  Also, because killing the alcoholic content with heat is just cruel.

4. For the love of fermented grapes, do NOT waste wine by being classy and spitting it out at tastings.

A conservationist makes sure to enjoy the wasted spit bucket remains

5. We know you’re busy, but take a moment out of your day to let your wine know how much you love it — because you never know when it could be gone.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).