Today’s Top News in Two Sentences or Less

Apple announces September 20th release date for iPhone 5S and iPhone 5C, which come in various colors and with a fingerprint sensor
“Just what I wanted!  A gold phone to match my grills!” –Madonna

Gwen Stefani reportedly pregnant with baby #3 at 43
In related news, sales of pediatric hair dye expected to rise in nine months

A dramatic rise in kids swallowing powerful (and potentially fatal) magnets
Well, that’s ONE way to prevent your parents from hanging your report card on the fridge

Woman pushes husband off cliff after one week of marriage
Ugh.  A simple “I don’t” would have sufficed.

Mario Lopez and Courtney Mazza welcome baby boy named Dominic
Something tells me all the “EXCLUSIVE!” details will be shared on EXTRA!