Today’s Top News in Two Sentences or Less

iphone5

Apple announces September 20th release date for iPhone 5S and iPhone 5C, which come in various colors and with a fingerprint sensor
“Just what I wanted!  A gold phone to match my grills!” –Madonna

gwen-stefani-kingston-bleached

Gwen Stefani reportedly pregnant with baby #3 at 43
In related news, sales of pediatric hair dye expected to rise in nine months

A dramatic rise in kids swallowing powerful (and potentially fatal) magnets
Well, that’s ONE way to prevent your parents from hanging your report card on the fridge

cliff

Woman pushes husband off cliff after one week of marriage
Ugh.  A simple “I don’t” would have sufficed.

Mario Lopez and Courtney Mazza welcome baby boy named Dominic
Something tells me all the “EXCLUSIVE!” details will be shared on EXTRA!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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The Laughing Stork

The Laughing Stork is a comedy site for moms. Because home is where the humor is. Be sure to join us for more laughs on Twitter and Facebook!