An Interview with Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump

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Thanks for welcoming our featured celebrity of the day, Kate Middleton‘s Baby Bump!

Best known in the tabloids for being “flaunted” or “hidden” or “too waif-like,” Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump (KMBB) has risen to fame the old-fashioned way:  by being part of a royal family.

About seven months old, KMBB is also a fan of being outfitted in classy designer outfits and just generally being simple and down-to-earth while relaxing in its four-story, 20-room apartment in Kensington Palace.  The Laughing Stork was fortunate enough to get a chance to sit down with KMBB and get its thoughts about life as the most famous baby bump in the world.


THE LAUGHING STORK:  We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, Your Royal Highness.

KATE MIDDLETON’S BABY BUMP:  You should.  I’m missing tea with Piers Morgan’s hairpiece for this!

TLS: Well, thanks again.  How are you feeling these days?

KMBB:  I’m expanding by the second, every camera in the world is fixated on me, and I can’t even have a single puff of Harry’s new Cuban cigars.  How do you THINK I freakin’ feel?

TLS:  I didn’t expect you to have an American accent.

KMBB:  And I didn’t expect you to have any particularly interesting questions.  So far, I’ve been spot-on.

TLS:  You know, it would make anybody cranky to grow up — and out — under such a microscope…

KMBB:  Cranky?  You think I’m cranky?  Try talking to that Kardashian chick’s bump.  IT will give you cranky.  Stuffed into those leather pants like a freakin’ potato in a prophylactic –

TLS:  Yes, um, anyway… as you enter the last trimester, any advice to give other famous baby bumps?

KMBB:  If you’ve got the Queen all up in your business, and laying a hand on you like Lizzie was doin’ to me the other day, just tell the baby to give her a big ol’ roundhouse kick!  Ha!  You shoulda seen Lizzie… she was so startled, nearly knocked that ridiculous thing off her head!

TLS:  Words for all bumps to live by, for sure.  Thank you again.

KMBB:  Got a Cuban on you, by chance?  (AWKWARD PAUSE)  Kidding!  Just… kidding.

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