An Interview with Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump

Thanks for welcoming our featured celebrity of the day, Kate Middleton‘s Baby Bump!

Best known in the tabloids for being “flaunted” or “hidden” or “too waif-like,” Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump (KMBB) has risen to fame the old-fashioned way:  by being part of a royal family.

About seven months old, KMBB is also a fan of being outfitted in classy designer outfits and just generally being simple and down-to-earth while relaxing in its four-story, 20-room apartment in Kensington Palace.  The Laughing Stork was fortunate enough to get a chance to sit down with KMBB and get its thoughts about life as the most famous baby bump in the world.

THE LAUGHING STORK:  We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, Your Royal Highness.

KATE MIDDLETON’S BABY BUMP:  You should.  I’m missing tea with Piers Morgan’s hairpiece for this!

TLS: Well, thanks again.  How are you feeling these days?

KMBB:  I’m expanding by the second, every camera in the world is fixated on me, and I can’t even have a single puff of Harry’s new Cuban cigars.  How do you THINK I freakin’ feel?

TLS:  I didn’t expect you to have an American accent.

KMBB:  And I didn’t expect you to have any particularly interesting questions.  So far, I’ve been spot-on.

TLS:  You know, it would make anybody cranky to grow up — and out — under such a microscope…

KMBB:  Cranky?  You think I’m cranky?  Try talking to that Kardashian chick’s bump.  IT will give you cranky.  Stuffed into those leather pants like a freakin’ potato in a prophylactic —

TLS:  Yes, um, anyway… as you enter the last trimester, any advice to give other famous baby bumps?

KMBB:  If you’ve got the Queen all up in your business, and laying a hand on you like Lizzie was doin’ to me the other day, just tell the baby to give her a big ol’ roundhouse kick!  Ha!  You shoulda seen Lizzie… she was so startled, nearly knocked that ridiculous thing off her head!

TLS:  Words for all bumps to live by, for sure.  Thank you again.

KMBB:  Got a Cuban on you, by chance?  (AWKWARD PAUSE)  Kidding!  Just… kidding.