The Laughing StorkThanks for welcoming our featured celebrity of the day, Kate Middleton‘s Baby Bump!
Best known in the tabloids for being “flaunted” or “hidden” or “too waif-like,” Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump (KMBB) has risen to fame the old-fashioned way: by being part of a royal family.
About seven months old, KMBB is also a fan of being outfitted in classy designer outfits and just generally being simple and down-to-earth while relaxing in its four-story, 20-room apartment in Kensington Palace. The Laughing Stork was fortunate enough to get a chance to sit down with KMBB and get its thoughts about life as the most famous baby bump in the world.
THE LAUGHING STORK: We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, Your Royal Highness.
KATE MIDDLETON’S BABY BUMP: You should. I’m missing tea with Piers Morgan’s hairpiece for this!
TLS: Well, thanks again. How are you feeling these days?
KMBB: I’m expanding by the second, every camera in the world is fixated on me, and I can’t even have a single puff of Harry’s new Cuban cigars. How do you THINK I freakin’ feel?
TLS: I didn’t expect you to have an American accent.
KMBB: And I didn’t expect you to have any particularly interesting questions. So far, I’ve been spot-on.
TLS: You know, it would make anybody cranky to grow up — and out — under such a microscope…
KMBB: Cranky? You think I’m cranky? Try talking to that Kardashian chick’s bump. IT will give you cranky. Stuffed into those leather pants like a freakin’ potato in a prophylactic —
TLS: Yes, um, anyway… as you enter the last trimester, any advice to give other famous baby bumps?
KMBB: If you’ve got the Queen all up in your business, and laying a hand on you like Lizzie was doin’ to me the other day, just tell the baby to give her a big ol’ roundhouse kick! Ha! You shoulda seen Lizzie… she was so startled, nearly knocked that ridiculous thing off her head!
TLS: Words for all bumps to live by, for sure. Thank you again.
KMBB: Got a Cuban on you, by chance? (AWKWARD PAUSE) Kidding! Just… kidding.
Candy Kirby
