Shanna Moakler Calls Breastfeeding “Incestual” and “Gross,” Inspiring Our List of Comebacks

“I just look at my breasts as, like, sexual.” — Pearl of wisdom from mother of three, Shanna Moakler

Former Miss USA, Playboy playmate and inexplicable tabloid staple Shanna Moakler somehow got on the subject of breastfeeding with TMZ, telling their cameramen that she thinks nursing babies is “incestual” and “gross.”  The new target of disdain for nursing mothers everywhere — who has three kids herself — was leaving a birthday party in Los Angeles when she explained, “I just look at my breasts as, like, sexual…I’m selfish.”

She’s something, all right.

Although labeling nursing as “incestual” is on the extreme end of the Stupidity Spectrum, many of us breastfeeding mothers have been there: that awkward moment when a stranger or family member makes an ignorant comment about our decision to breastfeed beyond six months, or flashes a dirty look because we dare to (gasp!) nurse our hungry baby in public. Although we can take solace in the fact that such reactions are often borne out of lack of understanding, that doesn’t mean we can’t also arm ourselves with some incisive retorts to hopefully end the unwelcome comments once and for all. To that end, we bring you:

12 Smart-Alec Comebacks for Breastfeeding Comments

1. “Am I still nursing? Of course not—my mom weaned me a long time ago. My baby still is, though!”

2. “If the sight of me feeding my child offends you, perhaps you would feel more comfortable with a blanket over your head.”

3. “With the money I’m saving on milk, may I buy you some tact?”

4. “Which aspect of my breastfeeding bothers you most: my baby’s lowered risk of illness; his sense of security; or his potentially higher IQ?”

5. “Of course I’m still nursing. I’m so happy you keep asking. It shows you want the best for the baby.”

6. “The bathroom? No, thank you. The only thing that should be fed in there is the restroom attendant’s tip jar.”

7. “C’mon, you see more cleavage on a women’s magazine cover!”

8. “Do you often counsel women on what they should do with their breasts?”

9. “The baby takes after his dad—he prefers his beverages on-tap.”

10. “It’s time for me to stop breastfeeding? Oh, I had no idea the World Health Organization had changed its recommendation!”

11. “Yes, the baby is still nursing and her doctor is thrilled. So many moms give up due to pressure from rude friends and family.”

12. “With all of the things going on in the world, the way a loving mom chooses to feed her child should be the least of anyone’s concerns.”

List originally written for BabyZone.com