Top 10 Best Things About Halle Berry Being a Mother of “Advanced Maternal Age”

When Halle Berry announced that she was (GASP!) pregnant at 46 years of age, people were taken aback — and had plenty of judgmental words to impart around the Internet.  So I thought I would help the actress celebrate the positive aspects of being an “older” mom with this (VERY tongue-in-cheek) list of…

The 10 Best Things About Being a Mother of “Advanced Maternal Age”

10. Can make kids roll their eyes with stories such as, “I remember a time when you had to WALK to the television to change the channel…”

9.  Creaking bones are good for waking up the kids for school in the morning.

8. You can post silly things about yourself on the social network of your generation—MySpace—without worrying the kids will ever discover them.

7. Diminishing vision means harder to see spots on furniture and dirt on clothes. (Ignorance is bliss!)

6. When the kids ask why you ever agreed to star in Catwoman, you can pretend you can’t hear them.

5. Bad lower back means you have the perfect excuse for making the kids clean up all the toys.

4. Nobody would question you if you wrapped your furniture in plastic.  (A good thing when you have young kids.)

3. When you “forget” to bake cookies for the PTA event, you can just blame it on old age.

2. When the kids ask for help with their U.S. History homework, they’ll be impressed to find out you were once friends with Abraham Lincoln.

1. Can use your cane to whack anybody who dares to say you are of “advanced maternal age” again.

 

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.