10 Things I Have Said to Both My Toddler and My Cats

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Turns out, being kitty parents all these years really did prepare us for raising babies of the human variety — more so than I ever expected, as I find myself saying the very same things to our Himalayans and our two-year-old.  For example…

10.  “Stop licking me.  It feels weird.”

9.  “Sit still!  There’s poop stuck on your butt.”

8.  “Get off that table!”

7.  “It would make me very happy if you wore this hat and let me take a picture.”

6.  “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”

5.  “Ouch.  We need to cut your nails.”

4.  “You have no idea how good your life is.  I wish all I had to do is sleep and eat and play all day.”

3.  “Why won’t you eat your dinner?  I thought you liked chicken!”

2.  “STOP IT — YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE THE BABY!”

1.  “Are you mocking me?”

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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4 Comments

  1. Allie

    Apr 9, 2012 at 10:20 am

    LoL! I think most of those apply to dogs too!

  2. Mr. Candy

    Apr 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    I am a witness that you have actually said all of these things to both the cats and our toddler.

  3. Ashley

    Apr 18, 2012 at 1:30 am

    These are really good, I had never thought about it like that before! LOL

  4. Lindsey

    Dec 13, 2012 at 9:10 am

    don’t forget…get out of the potty and stop chewing the couch. said to both kids and the dog.

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