Immediately after giving birth, many celebrity moms stare into their beautiful newborn’s eyes and think: “Oh, my gawd — I have to get ready for my ‘HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK!’ magazine shoot!” It really should be a top priority, which is why we at The Laughing Stork have thoughtfully prepared a guide to help famous moms get ready for these all-important magazine covers.
1. DO request a healthy amount of retouching “assistance.”
2. Do NOT remove your hands from your hips. Ever.
3. One exception: You MAY remove one hand from the hip to triumphantly hoist baby in the air. (Also be sure to note the “HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK!” uniform of choice: a yellow bikini.)
4. Do NOT simply the cradle the baby. Hoist, Kendra, HOIST! (And a blue bikini…? Pssshhh. Amateur.)
5. If not in possession of a yellow bikini, DO wear a print that reflects your trademark elegance.
6. DO benefit from a bandage dress that doesn’t allow breathing, but does flatter the figure.
7. DO avoid the cheesiness of “HOW I GOT MY BODY BACK!” covers by being a bad-ass like Pink.