The Laughing Stork

You Might Be a Grandmother If…

“I know your mom said not to give you a pacifier, but don’t worry — I have a secret stash!”
    • You suddenly consider bedtimes arbitrary and discretional.
    • You cannot walk through a store without checking out the children’s department for deals on stuff you would never have bought your own kids.
    • You are struck with memories of your own child’s early life you thought you’d long forgotten.
    • You find yourself defending your own parenting practices by saying things like, “Well, we did that back when YOU were a kid and you turned out just fine!”
    • You have a new mantra:  “What happens at Grandma’s, STAYS at Grandma’s.”
    • You laugh to yourself when the grandchildren misbehave because you’re pleased your kids are finally getting a taste of their own medicine.
    • Your antacid drawer also contains Dora Band-Aids.
    • You sit in awe and amazement (and, frankly, bewilderment) as your three-year-old grandchild shows you how to use an iPad.
    • You always have a treat on-hand for bribing and spoiling purposes.


    • You read a child’s birthday party invitation and exclaim with dismay, “We have to wait until FIVE O’CLOCK to eat?”
    • You suddenly develop a fondness for corny mementos such as “#1 GRANDMA” pillows.
    • After spending an exhausting day with the grandkids you have thought, “THIS is why parenting is for young people,” before passing out on the couch.
    • The baby pees his pants from sneezing or holding his bladder for too long — and so do you.

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.


  • My Mom told me if I got her anything that said “Grandma” on it she’d burn it! It was really funny. She kept saying “but Grandmas are old!” And she totally gave my son a binky! 1.5 years later, I’m finally taking him off. He was totally addicted! Love this post

  • Oh God! Please don’t let my mother see this! She already does half of these with my two kids. She needs no more ideas on how to drive me even crazier than my two already do!

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