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Fiance of the Year So Far: Brad Pitt Gives Angelina Jolie Breath Mints for Valentine’s Day

Pop Culture

Fiance of the Year So Far: Brad Pitt Gives Angelina Jolie Breath Mints for Valentine’s Day

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brad-angie-breath

If you thought Angelina Jolie had the best Valentine’s Day ever just because she’s with Brad Pitt, well, no offense, but you were completely and utterly WRONG.  According to always-totally-trustworthy tabloid sources, Brad presented Angie with BREATH MINTS this Valentine’s Day, romantic guy that he is. “It is sort of a joke — and not,” a source claimed. “He always teases her that she has bad breath.”

Something tells me Brad did NOT get a piece yesterday.  Not so much as a peek at Angelina’s Leg.

However, to make Angelina feel better, we thought we would come up with a reassuring list…

Six Valentine’s Day Gifts That May Be Even Worse Than Breath Mints

6. Natural Vaginal Cleansing and Odor Elimination Douche

5.  The Life, or Something Like It DVD

4.  An unsigned card, because he wanted to be able to reuse it the next year.

3.  Bikini wax kit (along with a pair of weed wackers)

2.  Kid #7 that he decided to adopt without her consent.  SURPRISE!

1.  A framed photograph:

brad-jen-frame

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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