Top 5 Possible Reasons That Matthew McConaughey Doesn’t Change Diapers

Joining the “I Don’t Change No Stinkin’ Diapers” Club, along with Will Ferrell and Mario Lopez, is none other than bong(o)-lovin’ Matthew McConaughey. When asked at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards dinner if he was running home to change diapers, the anti-shirt activist, 43, told reporters: “I was there this morning, so I guess I am running home. But I’m not changing the diapers.”

So, who is?

“Somebody,” he said.

Um, okay.  I’d like to give Matthew the benefit of the doubt, so I’ve come up with five possible explanations for refusing to help with the basic parental responsibility of making sure his kids aren’t sitting in their own excrement:

5.  Matthew has smoked so much weed, he’s hallucinating that we’re back in the 1950s.

4.  He needs to preserve his energy for more important endeavors, like jogging half-naked on the beach.

3.  He doesn’t want the stench of the dirty diapers to mess with his enjoyment of his own “natural odor” (which is also why he eschews deodorant).

2.  After losing 50 pounds for a movie role, he doesn’t have the strength to lift a finger.

1.  “Because he pays ME to do it instead.”  –Somebody