Top 5 Possible Reasons That Matthew McConaughey Doesn’t Change Diapers

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matthewmc-nodiapersJoining the “I Don’t Change No Stinkin’ Diapers” Club, along with Will Ferrell and Mario Lopez, is none other than bong(o)-lovin’ Matthew McConaughey. When asked at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards dinner if he was running home to change diapers, the anti-shirt activist, 43, told reporters: “I was there this morning, so I guess I am running home. But I’m not changing the diapers.”

So, who is?

“Somebody,” he said.

Um, okay.  I’d like to give Matthew the benefit of the doubt, so I’ve come up with five possible explanations for refusing to help with the basic parental responsibility of making sure his kids aren’t sitting in their own excrement:

5.  Matthew has smoked so much weed, he’s hallucinating that we’re back in the 1950s.

4.  He needs to preserve his energy for more important endeavors, like jogging half-naked on the beach.

3.  He doesn’t want the stench of the dirty diapers to mess with his enjoyment of his own “natural odor” (which is also why he eschews deodorant).

2.  After losing 50 pounds for a movie role, he doesn’t have the strength to lift a finger.

1.  “Because he pays ME to do it instead.”  –Somebody

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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