The Laughing Stork

End-of-Week Celebrity Reprimands

Because, sometimes, celebrities need some motherly scolding…

Justin and Selena reunite for a night at Beverly Hills Hotel

Selena.  You’re totally going to regret this, girl — oh, whatever.  You’re kids.  This is what kids do — only not usually in the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills.  Carry on, you silly, lovesick fools.

Mariah Carey reportedly uses $1900 La Mer cream on her babies’ butts

Really, Mariah?  People splurge on that cream to make their skin as smooth as a baby’s butt; your kids are already blessed with baby-soft skin, so why not use that money towards something more worthwhile?  Like diamond-encrusted baby pedicures?

Peter Facinelli, 38, steps out with new girlfriend: 28-year-old ‘Nurse Jackie’ co-star Jaimie Alexander

You already have four kids, Peter.  Do you really need another one?

Brad and Angelina’s kids reportedly “jump on tables, throw food” at Missouri Pizza Parlor

I hope you at least had the decency, Brad and Angie, to blush and pretend you didn’t notice other diners’ annoyed stares and weakly yell out, “If you don’t stop hitting your sister on the head with that pizza cutter, Knox, you’re gonna get a time-out, you hear me?!” like the rest of us parents who are dumb enough to try to eat in public with our little ones.

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.

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