Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

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As you know, The Laughing Stork is not always about making silly jokes — the cats and I also work tirelessly to raise awareness about devastating conditions afflicting families around the world.  Such as pacifier addiction.  And Fifty Shades of Grey Disorder.  And, of course, Second Child Syndrome.

Second Child Syndrome happens to be a cause that is near and dear to my heart because, you see, my son… well, I forget his name right now, but I’m sure it will come to me… was born with the all-too-common condition.  So, in the interest of helping other kids who wonder why the pages of their baby books are blank, here are some other telltale symptoms:

Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

10.  Your mom’s “diaper bag” is her back pocket.

9.  You think pacifiers come packaged with lint and pet hairs.

8.  “Hand-puréed breakfast” = crushed Cheerios on the floor.

7.  By the time your parents bother to come and pick you up from the crib in the morning, you could have read War and Peace from cover to cover.  Twice.

6.  You think your name is “Hey you.”

5.  Your parents have more pictures of the cats than of you.

4. Your first solid food was a basket of BBQ ribs.

3.  You think the Imagination Movers are your babysitters.

2.  All of the tags in your clothes have somebody else’s name written on them.

1.  Your parents exclaim with surprise: “Hey, wait — when did you start walking?!”  Just as you’re about to accept your high school diploma.

For more laughs about first kid vs. second kid experiences, be sure to check out Luvs’ hilarious campaign celebrating us second-time moms.  This short video about packing up to leave the house particularly resonates with me:

Except my rug has way more crushed crackers and juice stains.

Disclosure time:  This month I’m working with a team of parenting humorists, including Kelcey, Robin, Susan, Amy and Ann, to hijack Luvs’ marketing for their clever and funny 1st Kid/2nd Kid campaign, for which I am indeed compensated.  If you have a second kid story, please do share!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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5 Comments

  1. Deeva

    Nov 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    This is all so true!! With my first I sanitized EVERYTHING but with my 2nd, i just used my shirt.

    • Candy

      Nov 14, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      I wouldn’t even let people hold my firstborn if they didn’t use sanitizer first. With my second…? I was just happy to get a break.

  2. Robin Jingjit

    Nov 14, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    My second one totally has this. His pre-birth nickname was TSO (the second one).

    • Candy

      Nov 14, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      Love it! TSO actually sounds kind of bad-ass.

  3. Sarah Auerswald

    Feb 21, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    It’s crazy what we did as First-time Moms compared to now! I know it took me hours just to get out of the house back in those days. Yikes! And the commercials are really funny! Nice job, Luv’s!!

    My idea would be:
    First Kid: rushing to the emergency room for a scratch on his arm.
    Second kid: band-aid.

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