10 Things I Hate Myself For Thinking… But Never Say

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Oh, c’mon.  You know at least one of these embarrassing thoughts has crossed your mind, too…

10.  Really?  Only 3 likes and 1 “lol” comment for that HILARIOUS Facebook update about that cute thing my son did?  Hmpf.

9.  I wouldn’t mind having a wardrobe like the Kardashians’.

8.  I hate it when my daughter turns the page before I’m done coloring it.

7.  Why didn’t that waitress smile at my son?  Didn’t she see HOW FREAKIN’ CUTE HE IS?

6.  What’s the right amount of time to wait before adding someone on LinkedIn?

5.  Oh dear.  That kid is not very cute.

4.  If I give my son a weird look, maybe everyone will think that HE’S the one who passed gas.

3.  That Dave from Imagination Movers sure does have pretty eyes…

2.  I’m jealous that my daughter can pull off a tutu and boots.

1.  Yes!  The 7-Eleven cashier carded me!  I’VE STILL GOT IT!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.


  1. Mette

    Oct 30, 2012 at 11:47 pm


  2. Lynn from For Love or Funny

    Oct 31, 2012 at 3:18 am

    I’m guilty of #4 more often than I care to admit. Except I don’t give your son a weird look. I give my husband a weird look.

  3. DayeLily

    Oct 31, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Yep, absolutely!! LOL Actually, I did say #7 the other day… we went to Petsmart to get cat food, and there was a man holding a rabbit in front of us. The cashier went nuts over the cute bunny (and it was cute), but then completely ignored our adorable 20-month-old son when we went through the line. When we went outside I grumped about her to my husband. LOL (I’m 9 months pregnant and can get away with saying stuff…)

    • Candy

      Nov 1, 2012 at 1:45 pm

      Yes, that’s the beauty of being heavily pregnant. I get especially incensed when my adorable son SMILES at somebody and they make a point to ignore him. Have they not a heart?!

  4. Christina @ Homemade Ocean

    Oct 31, 2012 at 8:11 am

    This made me laugh so hard!!!!

  5. Kiki

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:55 am

    #10 for sure!

  6. Barbra J.

    Nov 13, 2012 at 1:13 am

    I would have to say #9. Who in their right mind would want to look like the Kar-trashians?

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