10 Things I Hate Myself For Thinking… But Never Say

Oh, c’mon.  You know at least one of these embarrassing thoughts has crossed your mind, too…

10.  Really?  Only 3 likes and 1 “lol” comment for that HILARIOUS Facebook update about that cute thing my son did?  Hmpf.

9.  I wouldn’t mind having a wardrobe like the Kardashians’.

8.  I hate it when my daughter turns the page before I’m done coloring it.

7.  Why didn’t that waitress smile at my son?  Didn’t she see HOW FREAKIN’ CUTE HE IS?

6.  What’s the right amount of time to wait before adding someone on LinkedIn?

5.  Oh dear.  That kid is not very cute.

4.  If I give my son a weird look, maybe everyone will think that HE’S the one who passed gas.

3.  That Dave from Imagination Movers sure does have pretty eyes…

2.  I’m jealous that my daughter can pull off a tutu and boots.

1.  Yes!  The 7-Eleven cashier carded me!  I’VE STILL GOT IT!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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