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Top 10 Things My Three-Year-Old Likes to Do in a Crowded Elevator

Toddlers

Top 10 Things My Three-Year-Old Likes to Do in a Crowded Elevator

Apparently, there is just something about being in the middle of a packed elevator that makes my daughter want to do these things:

10.  Point at her baby brother and giggle, “Drew has a penis.”

9.  Scream nonsense AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

8.  Ask me if I’m wearing my Hello Kitty underwear.  (Which SHE picked out for me at Target, I want you to know.  Because that makes it TOTALLY not weird.  *Ahem*)

7.  Point at an older man (meaning:  50+) and declare, “He’s a pappy!”

6.  Pull up her shirt and insist, “Look at my big belly button!”

5.  Pull down my shirt.

4.  Pull up my dress.

3.  Yell “I WANT A POOP LUNCH!”

2.  Sing a song about poop.

1.  Mention poop several dozen more times.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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