I Say, Skye Hears (An English-to-Toddler Translation)

Miss Skye’s speech is improving at a mind-boggling rate — “Silly Skylar farted in bathroom!” she declared tonight (I’ve never been prouder) — and yet her ability to understand me when I speak is not always so extraordinary.  Some examples of how things get lost in translation with a two-year-old:

I SAY:  Ssshhh.  Don’t wake the baby.  He’s sleeping.

SKYE HEARS:  Immediately run to the bedroom and yell “DREW AWAKE!  DREW AWAKE!” in the baby’s face until he is awake.

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I SAY:  Sit down in your chair, please.

SKYE HEARS:  Don’t just stand on your chair — jump up and down on it!

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I SAY:  Inside voice.

SKYE HEARS:  Scream louder, there are some people in Peru who can’t hear you.

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I SAY:  Don’t touch Mommy’s computer.

SKYE HEARS:  Make sure your hands are covered in yogurt before you bang on the keyboard.

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I SAY:  Gently, please.

SKYE HEARS:  Push Drew’s swing hard enough to fly through the window.

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I SAY:  Pick up those toys you threw on the floor.

SKYE HEARS:  You know what would be cool?  If you stared straight ahead and totally ignored what I just asked you to do.

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I SAY:  You probably shouldn’t play with the phone….

SKYE HEARS:  Push “redial.”

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I SAY:  Time for a family hug.

SKYE HEARS:  Kiss and hug Drew at least three times, and just leave poor Mom and Dad hanging.  (Yeah, hard to get too mad about that one.)

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I SAY:  Time for a nap!

SKYE HEARS:  We are putting you in solitary confinement for the rest of your life.

Originally posted on September 21, 2011