Ten Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom

While we’re on our East Coast Family Summer Visit Tour (filled with almost as many screams and fainting fans as Bieber’s “Believe” tour… almost), I am re-publishing this list that originally appeared on The Laughing Stork in February 2011.  It was one I was asked to write for Redbook, one that sparked a “spirited” discussion in the comments section.  It also caught the attention of Kathie Lee, who attempted to read my list on the Today show in the midst of her five-Merlot breakfast.

So here it is, the now-infamous list that was inspired by feedback from my mom and other fabulous stay-at-home moms…

Top 10 Things Never to Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom

  1. When the kids are older, do you think you’ll get a real job?
  2. How June Cleaver of you!
  3. Oh, so you don’t work?
  4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?
  5. All day with your kids? I can’t even imagine.
  6. I’m jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn’t have to work either.
  7. So what do you do all day, anyway?
  8. Don’t worry; I’m sure you’re not the only one who’s ever wasted money on a college degree.
  9. That explains why your son is so clingy!
  10. Weird. I assumed your house would be super clean.

Feel free to vent/chime in with your own zingers in the comments section.

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

69 CommentsLeave a comment

  • these are all great and I must say I know no. 4 waaaay too well…

    No. 10 I would be pissed if someone ever said that to me!

  • Good list! Another one that bugs me is when moms ask me to babysit their kids like it’s no big deal because I’m “already home” with my kids.

    • I hear you, Vera! Yup, all too often people assume that because I am a SAHM I must just love the idea of babysitting other people’s kids. Nope, adorable though their kids might be, I am a SAHM so I can be at home with my OWN kids. And yes, it’s a job! Would a CPA working mom leap at the chance to do my taxes one day in addition to her own full-time job??? Probably not – same goes for me babysitting!

  • I think this was one of your outtakes, but I hear it a lot:
    “I’d go crazy without any mental stimulation all day.”

    I also have people expect me to be able to drop everything to meet them because “You’re just at home anyway.” They have no idea that I have to start planning RIGHT NOW if I think I might take both kids to the store next Tuesday.

  • yes!! #7. what do you DO all day? i know some people are genuinely curious, but that would be better asked as “what do you enjoy doing during the day?” or something like that.

  • If I have to ever hear someone say, “Since you are at home ALL day, can you…bake brownies? Call the plumber?Call the insurance? WHy don’t you go to the gym more?Cook dinner for all of us? ” It will be too soon! Also, if my husband cracks the ” I wish I could sit at home and eat bon bon s all day!” I;m going to throat punch him right in his neck!!!!!ARGH!

    • OMG!! My husband has pulled that BS.. and I tell him that I will gladly go to Iraq any day!! We have 2 kids who are not school age yet so I have no choice but to be a SAHM, but I would love nothing more than to feel the sun again.. go to the gym.. be around adults. He thinks that I just lay around and watch tv all day, I wish that I could do that too. Too bad I have to raise the kids while you’re gone honey.

  • This a really great article. Don’t remember seeing the question “now that the children are getting older are you going back to work? NO they need us more the older they get with all the peer presure out there.

  • Sometimes I think my husband would love to say #7 to me! This is SO true and SO not okay. Any one of these would piss me off!

  • This is so funny and yet sadly so true!!! My husband does say #7 to me and decided to give me a lesson in vacuuming because it appeared that I was not taking enough pride in my work. OMG, you can imagine the choice words that flew out of my mouth!!!I don’t think he’ll be doing anything like that anytime soon!

    • You should have let him roll with it. As in, honey I think you need to show me how to clean the toilets properly and wash clothes properly. I need to watch the master in action 😉 It took my ex-husband a couple of hours of me watching him do my work to catch on hehe

  • I have 3 but number 2 and 3 tend to follow in order.
    1) Your husband is ok with you staying home?

    2) Didn’t you graduate with honors?
    3) I thought you got a masters degree don’t you want to use it?

    No, I don’t want to be use it while away from my kids for 9 hours a day and someone else is being payed to teach my kids what I don’t want them learning.

  • I would never ask a stay at home mother this to her face, because it is rude. But there are many mothers who accomplish the same amount around the house who do also work part or full time. So what DO you do with the extra time? Is it that it allows your husband to not help out at all around the house? Or are things done more thoroughly or from scratch more often? Hiding behind the safety of anonymity I’d honestly like to know. (Cowers in preparation for the response)

    • I guess what I am asking is, am I gonna suck as a mother if I am not a stay at home mom?

    • I’m not a SAHM so maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but I just want to let you know that you will NOT suck as a mom if you work. It basically just boils down to you get less time with your children if you work, which honestly is harder than you would think.

      I don’t know what it’s like to be a SAHM, but I will say that my house isn’t as clean as I’d like it to be, and I promise myself that, if I’m ever a SAHM, I will keep the house in better shape. But as far as my relationship with my 3-year-old goes, sure, he spends more time with his daycare friends during the week than he does with me and his daddy–but he tells me he loves me and gets so excited when I come to pick him up. He knows I’m his mama and he doesn’t love anybody like he loves me.

      As it is, when I get home from work, I spend as much time with my son as I can. Then when he goes to bed, sometimes I have the energy to do the dishes or some laundry. Other days I just lounge on the couch and enjoy some downtime. It’s hard, but it works for me, and it works for us.

      So no, you won’t suck as a mom. It’s the best, whether you work outside of the home or not. All of us are good moms and love our kids.

      • Haha, extra time? What extra time? I wake up when my husband does to make him lunch and prepare for my day as an educator and care provider. I teach my children the things they need to successfully transition to school (potty training, ABCs, 123s)and provide them with entertainment and love. I also clean. ALL DAY. The amount of housework I have is not comparable at all to the amount of housework a parent that works outside of the home has. I have children at home 8 – 10 hours longer than the “working” parent. That’s 8 – 10 hours more mess.(mess that their childcare provider is cleaning up for them) Bathroom breaks are done with kids that either barge in or scream outside the door, lunch breaks consist of toddlers getting more of the food on the floor than in their mouths and nap time… well after I pick up, I take time to read and reconnect with the real world – usually online or by talking to a friend on the phone. It’s the 1 hour a day that I have to myself and I’m unapologetic about taking it. Once my husband gets home there is more cooking, more cleaning, family time, and bed time. Regardless of whether you are at home or away …. being a parent is hard work. You either feel guilty for missing out on time with your child or guilty for not providing monetarily for your family. People judge you no matter what you do (I worked for the first 6 months of motherhood and was always told how I shouldn’t be letting someone else raise my child and now that I’m home I get bombarded with the opposite message) We can only do what is best for our families and spend the most quality time we can with our children.

    • I stumbled across this today, but wanted to reply in case you are still wondering. If you are home with anyone, stuff is being used and therefore will need cleaning. If you are at work and your kids are at the sitter’s/daycare, your house and messmakers are on pause so to speak. Whatever your situation, you get done what needs to get done, and like any job, some people are better at getting it all done than others. As far as what you do all day if you’re a SAHM- kids are needy, so you take care of their needs. Some days that’s easier than others.

  • So, I’m not a mother, but I’ll tell you what my sister (a Masters-wielding mom) would say to #7: I try to stay sane, that’s what I do all day!

    Being at home with your children all day is like running a daycare that never ends. Do we think people who work in daycares don’t “really work”? Of course not!

    Trying to keep a house clean while also trying to keep 3 curious, incorrigible tots safe, clean and fed is like running a circus that’s all monkeys and no cages.

    So, is staying home with kids work? I’d say so. Can a person be a good mother and have her kids in daycare part of the day? I sure hope so!

  • Now, now don’t be sexist. Article should be titled “Ten Things to Never Say to a Stay At Home Parent” (And change #6 to spouse.)

    • I absolutely agree! However, it was a list I was asked to write for Redbook, with that very title, most likely because their audience is primarily women.

  • I work full time, take care of my kids, keep my house clean, cook, etc. SAHMs always complain about all they have to do, but they don’t do anymore than a working man or woman does, they just have 40+ more hours each week to do it. So, please don’t pretend you are so stressed and busy. Calm down and get organized. I’m amazed at how many SAHMs have a cleaning lady. Really? Isn’t that your job? Your husband makes the money, the least you can do is cook and clean.

    • I am a SAHM. I’ve never complained about it. I love being here with my son all day. It is exhausting, insane, and the most rewarding thing that I can imagine doing. The problem is not what I do. The problem is not tgat I don’t love it. The problem is other people who don’t understand questioning hoe I spend time, why I don’t get everything under the son done every single day, or straight out negating the validity of my life choices. I don’t know about moms with housekeepers, sounds like quite a luxury to me. Honestly, the majority of the cleaning I do during the day is keeping up with the mess the toddler makes. The bulk of the laundry, vacuuming, etc, happens after he’s in bed or on daddy’s days off when I’m “off” from full time kid duty. We do not live in a 50’s sitcom. Neither way of mothering is more valid. Can we just stop being catty about it?

    • I am a SAHM, have been for 29 years, and yes that is 29 years. I have 6 kids ranging from 29 to 13 so I have always had a kid at home. 1004, I don’t have 40+ extra hours a week then a working mom. I take care of my kids, I home school my kids. I also do the yard work, clean the house, cook for an army, laundry for an army. I fix anything that needs fixing(plumbing, electrical, sewing, painting…) I also take care of the family pets 3 dogs, 2 cats, plus I have 4 steer, turkeys, pigs, chickens, ducks and assorted other responsibilities. My husband works and I try to make it so he does not have to work when he gets home. When people say SAHM’s have more time then working moms, well find out WHAT they have to do before spouting nonsense. I have never had a cleaning lady, never will I don’t even have a dishwasher, but I would not trade anything in my life. I love it, it fulfills me and I know my children are being brought up the way we want them to be. I love my life and I love my family! And NO I was not complaining about what I have to do, just listing my daily workout..LOL. I am adding a full vegetable garden and I am building a greenhouse cause I want to try grafting and hydroponics, but it is my choice. 1004 I would like to see you last one week as a SAHM in MY house…ROFL!

    • As a single-income family in a high-cost area, I have to do myself all the stuff that practically everyone in our social circle outsources. Back when I was an employed mom, I had more disposable income but less free time so I outsourced as well. Not saying that one is automatically better than the other, just that you don’t know what the heck you’re talking about.

    • So you seriously think that having a kid to take care of (or multiple children) affords you with the luxury of getting things done during the day? HA! Try it sometime…seriously.

      Take the day off from your prestigious job, and have the kiddos around. Try going grocery shopping, unloading them, doing laundry, sweeping, cleaning floors, making about 6 meals and snacks, cleaning up from the meals/snacks, non stop diaper duty and clean up, oh and I should not forget to mention playing and entertaining and teaching our kids. Let me know how much free time you come up with -I’d love to learn from you. You sound very wise!

      Before you judge a SAHM, get your facts straight. And please don’t think I know what hard work is -I was single until 37 in a crazy stressful corporate job after college (15 years)…it is people like you that keep the mommy wars going. I am fine with my decision to stay home -and you are fine with yours. Enough said!

  • Does anyone know what people in upper management do on a daily basis? I know they get paid a lot of money, but what do they do? I know they keep the company going, but what do they do with their time, while they are at work? Why is it that nobody ever questions them like this? Why are their jobs considered so important just because they are given a lot of money? And yet, I don’t know what they do on a day to day basis. Is it possible that like me, a homemaker who isn’t paid, that it changes from day to day? That I don’t know what they do because it isn’t what I do? Should I assume they do nothing but have fancy lunches? Should I assume their life is easy because I cannot figure out what it is they DO? Would I be rude to ask them, assuming they are lazy and fooling people? Let me explain something…..I learned a long time ago that the only person who is going to respect me and what I do is me. I had to learn to be tough because it just wasn’t going to happen. What I do is unacceptable in today’s world and self-esteem has to come from inside of me. I accept that, but if you dare question the legitimacy of what I do in a disprespectful manner, be prepared to duck. I am Anna, and I am a homemaker, and a mother. I am raising human beings to adulthood.

    • I do, actually ask that question all the time. I have no idea what people with office jobs actually do all day. I know they always are surprised to hear “I can’t talk on the phone right now, I’m at work” or “I’ll answer your email when I get home from work.” Because when I’m at working, I’m actually WORKING. Not sitting at a desk.

  • Oh wow! finally a place where i can vent. I Have 5 kids to raise. 3 yr old twin girls, A 4 year old toddler, A 9 year old son and my step daughter who is going on 16. My husband is always at work and i have a degree at hand but when i get a job my paycheck goes to daycare for the kids.My husband pisses me off when he says all i have to do is sit around all day, or when someone calls to ask me if i can go out with them or do something for them as if it takes a rocket scientist to see i have FIVE kids to watch? I cook, HAND wash because my washer has been broken for months and i have the kind of husband that wont fix things until the next yr. I clean ALWAYS because i have an issue with a dirty house and i have to also spend time with each kids especially those in upper level classes do their hw. I’m tired but if i have to hear another person tell me my job is a piece of cake i will be sure to teach them another language. Us mothers have the biggest job in the world, the way our kids turn out depends on us, now if that isn’t a full time job than im not sure what is!!! SMH

  • as an expectant mother, (due on July 29) my fiance and i have discussed exactly how we want to raise our son. he has a very nice job and he wants me to be able to spend time with our son while he works. i get up at 6 with him and make sure he has everything for work, then i currently begin to clean our home. when James is born, i will still clean and cook like now, but i will give more time to my family during the day too. my fiance understands and encourages this. i’m very happy to say that on the few days in this last trimester when i’m having a low energy day he never complains, he just takes me into his arms and holds me and asks if he can help with any chores at all. i’m very thankful to have someone as understanding as he is in my life. i believe that both working with children and staying at home with them are good choices depending on what everyones lifestyle is. i dont believe one is better than the other at all.

  • Anna VanSant, you couldn’t have said it better! I’ve often wondered the same thing! : )

    When we lived in Texas, my husband had a great job and we have a big lovely house. They wiped out his department and we moved to a place with limited employment (to be near his son from his previous marriage) he now earns a quarter of what he did before and we are living with our in-laws. We had to use a massive chunk of our savings for a lawyer (just to get to see his son) and we lived off some of it until he got his current job. I got a job (paying about twice the minimum wage) that means I get up at 5am and get home just after 9am, then I try to get all the things done during the day that I did before… I’m not an early riser : ( Anyway, both my husband and his brother (at separate times) said “Your work day will be finished before we’ve even got started!” They were dead serious and I almost choked! Then my sister sent me this : )

    “A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a Cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?’ ‘Yes,’ was his incredulous reply. She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.”

    In addition to this, everything in the house made of glass would be smashed (my almost two year old is in his throwing stage, my four year old is just coming out of it and no, nothing has worked to stop either of them. The blinds would be at least all twisted up, if not broken (there are ten that my almost two year old can reach) EVERY cupboard in the house would be emptied out and both my boys would probably see it as an opportunity for adventure and escape! I think I’ll wait until my kids are old enough to know not to wander off before I try it! lol

    I have a degree and I enjoyed working, but I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for having the chance to be at home with my own children. I did a mini daycare in Texas and got so sick of working mothers coming in and telling me what a hard day they had had. I say, when you go to lunch, you go alone and you eat what you want, when you go to the toilet, you go alone and don’t have to worry that your almost two year old has smashed your husband’s brand new big boy toy, or that all the kids are going to cry and want to be in there with you! I have too many friends who’ve all told me that it’s far easier to go to work than to be at home all day and even if they only work part time, they do so for a break. I think you do what’s best for you and your family and stop tying to make yourself feel better by criticizing people who don’t think/feel the same as you! : ) I’m trying to find a job to do from home (that pays) so I don’t ever have to go out full time, even if my kids are in school, what if they’re sick? I really don’t think it would be worth it to me to go out.

  • My mom is a SAHM and she takes care of me, my 2 sisters, my dad, and my grandmother (my mom’s mom). If anyone asked her any of those she’d probably ask them to try doing what she does all day (especially 7 and 10). She makes breakfast for all of us, does the dishes, cleans the baby’s room, vacuums the downstairs, does the laundry, makes lunch, does the dishes, picks my sister and I up from school, goes to the store, makes dinner, does the dishes, cleans the downstairs, heats up my dad’s dinner (he works late), takes the trash out, throws the last dishes into the dishwasher, puts on another load of laundry, and finally is able to go to bed. So yes this is a real job and no, SAHMs don’t get to sit around all day. Anyone who questions if being a SAHM is a real job should try it themselves.
    Oh, and Full Time Grad Student Contemplating Having A Baby, if my mom can take a break from watching the 4 year old ball of fire, or cleaning, or cooking she works in our garden. We grow all of our vegetables and I really want to grow some peach, apricot, apple, and cherry trees so that we don’t have to buy pesticide covered fruit from the grocery store. My sister wants a cow and chickens so that we can have fresh eggs and milk. We don’t exactly have room for a cow, but my mom is seriously considering the chickens.

  • I was a small-practice lawyer with child in daycare. Practice tanked during the real-estate bust and I was laid off, so now I am a SAHM.

    Why it is easier to be an SAHM:
    1) No daily packing for, and collecting from, daycare.
    2) Dinner at a reasonable hour when son is still reasonably good-tempered.
    3) No ironing.
    4) I get to spend a LOT more time with my son, who is amazingly smart and funny and sweet. And cute, even when he’s being a howling heathen.

    Why it was easier to be a working mom:
    1) No interruptions! One of the great privileges of working was the ability to call people back when I was ready to talk to them. They might grouse a bit, but most people understand that “in a closing” or “in court” or “I have to READ this contract before I can give you feedback” means you can’t deal with something else this very second. Doesn’t work at home. DH and son simply do not want to leave a message and wait for a call back. 🙂
    2) Less mess. When I and my son were only home between 7 PM and 6:30 AM, there really wasn’t much opportunity for the house to get messy. Now all three of us are here all the time (DH works from home), and there is a LOT more to clean. Also, we’re potty-training and my son is determined to dig to China in the back yard, so the amount of laundry has gone through the roof.
    3) Less time-consuming. I used to be able to run errands and get groceries on my lunch break. DH does NOT watch the child, ever, so a five-minute trip to get milk is now an hour-long safari. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
    4) Less advance planning. It’s infinitely easier to come up with something fun to do on the weekend than it is to come up with fun, safe, economical activities for a child to do every day. Kudos to the daycare teachers, who had gorgeous themed lesson plans for the whole month.
    5) Fewer projects. DH came to the conclusion that since I am now “doing nothing”, I need to step up my home-renovation activities. Which would be lovely if he’d watch the kid. It’s surprisingly hard to re-plaster the ceilings with a preschooler hanging on your skirts. And power tools and small children are a harrowing combination.
    6) Less financial strain. I wasn’t making a fortune, or anywhere near to it, especially after daycare ate up most of my paycheck, but it WAS nice to occasionally order a pizza or send a text message without worrying about whether this will make my next check bounce.
    7) More help from husband. Once upon a time, DH picked up after himself [some], mowed the grass, and occasionally even helped me hang drywall. As soon as I was laid off, he decided that if I was going to be a “useless ****” it meant HE no longer had to do ANYTHING. Pick up shoes? No. Buy his own clothes? No. Mow the grass? Oh, hell, no. Get his own freaking glass of water? The horror…
    8) More sleep. Despite the fact that my son is now much older and is sleeping on his own, I’m getting less sleep. Because I’m up half the night trying to finish up things I didn’t get done during the day, putting in resumes, etc.
    9) Fewer arguments with spouse. I liked my husband much more before we spent every single minute of every single day under the same roof. I’ve learned that, no matter what else I may have done in life, the ONLY thing that matters to him is that I make a lot of money. We used to argue about why I didn’t make a LOT of money. Now that I make NO money, he spends hours every day nattering on at me about what a worthless human I am. Never mind that I’ve worked since I was 13. Never mind that I made it through college and law school and worked while doing it. Never mind that I didn’t CHOOSE to be out of work. Never mind that I spend hours and hours sending off applications and resumes. These days, my entire existence, for him, is summed up as a “stupid, lazy unemployed *****”.

    • I’m so sorry, but it sounds like you need marriage counseling more than a cleaning lady. I wish you the best!

  • If being a SAH mom or dad is work, then why are you still working after your spouse gets home from “work”? If the job is to take care and educate your kids while your spouse is away at work, say 8-6 (maybe earlier, maybe later, maybe longer hours), shouldn’t your work day also end when they arrive home? The few SAHMs I know, about 5, work all day long, even after their husbands are in bed. Meaning, if the child is sick at 2AM, they don’t even consider asking their husbands to go check. This is absolutely ridiculous in so many ways.

    SAHMs I plead that you allow your husbands to take responsibility in raising their child and be a dad. I know you think and know that you will do it better, and you’re right, but allow your husband to learn so 1) they can get the dad experience in sickness and in health and 2) give YOU more support so you’re not on call every minute!

    Please, stop trying to do it all, you look like you’re punishing yourself because you don’t work outside the house and bringing home a paycheck. If it’s a job, then let the job have an end time and create a 50-50 partnership when your spouse arrives home.

    • Wow this thread is extremely sexist. I am a SAHD… yeah a SAHD, and I think it’s pie. It’s the easiest job I’ve had in my entire life. I can understand when a spouse comes home from work and doesn’t understand what the mother has done all day… I SPEND HALF THE DAY ON MY ASS watching T.V. becuase my house is already clean, the laundry is already done, the boy’s fed and clothed and playing on his own. Sometimes we read or take naps together… Yeah some days aren’t all peaches and they can be frustrating. BUT THEYRE FAR FROM HARD. Stop bitching and trying to prove who’s job is harder and do your best to RAISE YOUR KIDS. If you SAHM’s don’t have any time… why are you commenting on pointless, trivial websites?

      • Sorry that comment was supposed to be on the entire thread, not your specific post.

      • There are a couple of things that I wanted to mention to you:

        1. It sounds as if you are talking about 1 child. If I had 1 child I could spend half the day sitting on my but too! Just today I was talking to a friend who has lost some weight and looks fabulous. She was talking about her routine for exercize and I thought “Maybe she could give me some ideas on how she finds the time!”
        Then it occured to me that when I only had two kids I DID find the time! Now I have five beautiful blessings. There just is less time because there is so much more work for me to try to cram into each day!
        2. Are you past the diaper stage? What about bottles? I have 2 kids in diapers and I am nursing my youngest. That translates into HOURS of my day dealing with feedings and diapers (and the mess involved). If you are having to hold a baby and feed that child it is a substantial chunk of time.
        3. Who scrubs the toilets? Who cleans and organizes? In my own experience (and most friends I have observed) the man’s view of “clean” is quite different than a woman’s. So you might be generally picking up, or running the vaccuum, but a woman in they same environment might see a whole new level of dirt that -apparently- most guys brains cannot seem to detect.
        4. Who plans the meals, shops, cooks, runs errands? There is NOTHING that I do that doesn’t take 3 times as long as I would like it to. Kids just take time. More kids? More time. If I have ANY errands to run, it takes all day. And don’t underestimate the power of interruption. It can be hard to keep up when someone is always needing something.
        5. Does your child still wake at night? My youngest 2 do and it makes the entire next day terribly unproductive if Mom got only 2 hours of sleep the night before. And what about sickness? It plows through the ranks at our house.

        Do not think that since you are a SAHD that you actually have a light shining into the lives of others! What about the parents who have kids who don’t play well on their own? What about kids that by personality are curious or mischievious and have to be watched every second?

        I am not whining or complaining. I gave up a high powered insurance sales job (that I ROCKED at BTW) to have the privilege of staying home with my kids and this is where I WANT to be. But when people say things like I am lazy, not intellegent enough to get a “real” job, or that I am whining when I work ALL THE TIME and talk about those challenges, those people are letting their stupid show!
        And that is what this post is about! And this discussion. People assuming that they actually understand another person’s situation without being in it.

        And don’t forget that raising the next generation of human beings is the most VALUABLE occupation on the planet. Since you have so much spare time, perhaps you could pick up some extra activities with your child to help him be more compassionate, more productive, and more able to assume responsibility in the next generation.

        I take issue with you assuming that since YOUR situation is easy, that all of us must be whining. You cannot color my life with your crayon. I DARE you to walk in my shoes for one day. Sir, you would learn the meaning of work.

        And I am posting this at 2:36am while I am up nursing a baby because I DONT have time!

        • “People assuming that they actually understand another person’s situation without being in it”

          You’re doing an aweful lot of that yourself..

          1. I do the majority of the cleaning around here. And it’s not just “tidying”. I sweep, mop, scrub dishes, scrub the bathroom, everything. I don’t mess around. It’s the area I have to live in, I’d like it clean and respected

          – I also do most of the cooking while my better half and I pretty much split the errands or do them together 🙂

          2. I never said that I know what everybody else’s experiences have been like. It’s different for all of us. I could only use what I have been through and experienced as comparison. Yes I may have only one child and he’s happy most of the time, but he does get sick and as with most babies have their days that where nothing seems to make them happy. However that’s not my only experiences with children, I’m 15 years older than my youngest sister so that made me a prime babysitter target, I experienced all the stages of childhood before I was even ready for my own. Many of my family members have children that I cared for on a regular basis as well. My main point in the whole thing is this: Why does it have to be a contest?? Why does one have to be harder than the other one? Why does one person deserve more/less credit or any special treatment based on who stays home with the kids or who works? Not every job is all that strenuous and neither is all situations of parenthood. Yes I said it’s pie… compared to previous job history. Easier than hauling heavy ass wood all day at a lumber mill??? Hell yes. Easier than roofing??? Hell yes. Easier than building chairs, picking turkeys or loading hundreds of tractor tires? Hell yes. I would certainly stay at home with my kids over that shit anyday. And that’s all I was saying. Truth be told a lot of what I said was more fueled by the comments I was reading than the article itself.

          3. I also never said that anyone was lazy or not intelligent. I also never said the word whining nor said everyone was whining, that’s YOUR interpretation (I also technically said “bitching”). So let’s not bring things up I haven’t said just to get your point across. I read the article and the comments and it all pointed at the fact that stay at home moms have it so rough and that their lives are so crazy hard that they should get some sort of medal or something and that men/husbands need to pull up and do their part. That’s not cool, and not reality, it’s a bunch of flared up opinionated moms trying to vent one out. Which is cool, just try to keep the playing field even. There doesn’t always have to be a “winner” and a “loser”. Shall we all agree, having children, and having a job, can be quite taxing on anybody. To assume that one deserves more appreciation than the other is naive and just continues on the very mindset of the subject of the article.

          PS. I do plenty of activities that help my child learn and advance in all aspects of his development. In fact the doctor tells us every time we go in that he is above average development both in intelligence, physical heath, and motor skills. Maybe he’s just blowing smoke up our ass, but it feels good to hear…. So let’s not be trying to assume you know me and how I parent without actually being in my situation please 😉

          So I used a couple of terms that probably made
          my comment seem a little more aggressive than it should have been. But you’ve blown it way out of context. I merely want to get across this: “Who cares who’s job is harder, really?”
          IT STARTS FIGHTS. It’s a waste of energy for everyone involved. A lot of pent up anger. If nobody cared in the first place, both in the pro and the con stance. It would never piss anyone off…. ’cause nobody would care! Yet everyone is on here defending this circular behaviour like it’s cool.

          • This post was ABOUT people not understanding SAHMs and saying RUDE things to them! Assuming that all of us do what you do and sit half the day. And your comment did not say “Hey, both sides are hard. Let’s stop throwing rocks” you fueled the flame by implying that SAHMs have no right to vent because you sit half the day!
            Listen, I get that guys get a huge load to carry. Truth be told, I bend over BACKWARDS to support my husband with respect and understanding.
            But there is a lie that has been slammed on our generation that everyone seems to have swallowed whole-heartedly: Women can have it all! Yep. It is a lie. We have had the idea crammed down our throats that we can have a fabulous career, beautiful home and lovely kids. And if you cannot do ALL of that, then you are an inferior woman. This is a widely accepted notion! And when a woman, like myself, stays home and chooses her family, there is this assumption that I “couldn’t cut it” at the job or I am staying home because I have no viable job options. Or that I am just lazy.
            THAT is the place that most of these comments come from! Other women who have swallowed that idea, and judge those of us who have chosen our families!
            I would not expect a guy to get it! You are not there when the catty curl of the lip happens as these comments are delivered in a clearly condescending tone. What I do is not generally valued by society and these comments that we women hear every day are not generally made in innocence!
            And our hubbys, like you, don’t get it either! I don’t know what you and all the SAHMs have different, but I don’t know a single mother staying at home with her kids who has time to watch tv half the day or who would say her job is easy. Perhaps easier than some jobs, but never referred to as easy.
            And then on top of our hubbys saying “what did you do all day?” We go into public and are deluged with snotty comments from other women who are prideful that THEY are able to do it all, why can’t you? But when I have been working my butt off all day, didn’t have time for a shower, never even got to use the bathroom without an audience, diverted 12 disasters, washed dishes and clothes that will be dirty in 2.3 seconds…again, cooked, cleaned, then cleaned and cooked, nursed the baby 6 times, swept, picked up, vacuumed, scrubbed and did it all on 3 hours of sleep, I am a little strained. Obnoxious and self-focused people think that they actually understand what is going on and make snippy comments. Oh, and I have never gotten a comment like this from a man. Only other women.
            That is what this post is about. Perhaps some person read it and recognized themselves in these comments to SAHMs that they know, and will hold their tongue next time. It would be wise. The symptoms of sleep deprivation resemble psychosis. You never know when a sleep deprived mom will give in to her baser instincs and snap.
            You did not help this discussion. In true male form you fail to recognize the point. Women crave COMMUNITY. These women don’t actually hate their husbands. They long to connect with people who understand what they are going through. They will comiserate, encourage and not feel alone. And THAT is the power of this post and these comments. A man generally cannot understand that! These women reach out to other women because they need to know that others understand their frustration. Maybe not a single thing changed after they posted and complained, but I bet they felt better venting. Sometimes women just need that. And it is likely that, like me, they really love being at home and are generally happy with their lives. But we SAHMs get ririculed from all sides -even people who should accept our choices (like family) tend to be very judgemental.

            And also, do not underestimate what some of them actually go through! You cannot imagine the frustration we feel when we have given 100% all day, only to have the husband come home and critisize, refuse to help (after all, we have been working all day too), insist upon being waited on, belittle our efforts and insinuate that we have been sitting on our buts watching tv and eating bon-bons all day. Imagine if your parner did that! You take care of the house and baby, and they come home and walk in the door critisizing! Every day.
            Let these women have their vent. At least I ASKED about your situation and didn’t assume. Oh, and using the “b” word didn’t help. I said complaining because I don’t use that derogatory term for women.
            And yes, you deal with sickness. When I do, it is multiple kids. The last time my kids got sick I was awakened 13 time in one night. Yep. 13. So don’t underestimate the burden these woman carry. Being a mom is a complex thing anyway -riddled with love and a deep sense of guilt- be thoughtful and compassionate. Your comment was a war cry and badly worded.
            This post is not about who’s job is harder. It is about people assuming that mine is easy and being obnoxious and rude. Don’t like this list? Make your own. Don’t like this “trivial” website? Don’t read it. You either really have a difficult time wording things to be understood well, or you are just like all the people who have been so rude to SAHMs.
            This post and this blog is for women by women -who understand women. We need stuff like this. Perhaps you could start a blog for SAHDs. Then you could all sit around and complain about the SAHMs that complain!
            And you were very insulting to Candy. Being a writer is hard. Being a mom is harder. And she does both. This post isn’t sexist. People of bother genders should re-evaluate how they relate to other people and their situations. Like the old Indian proverb: You cannot judge another’s actions until you walk a mile in their moccasins.

          • You certainly are the biggest hypocrite I have spoken to in a long time. One minute you preach equality and the next you are stereotyping me as a “typical man”. You say that you cannot understand a person until you walk a mile in their shoes, more or less. Yet you refuse to see things from any perspective but your own. I have conceded to the fact that not every situation is the same as mine and yet you continue to tell me “I don’t understand” or I can’t imagine, or can’t understand because I’m a male. Now it’s time for YOU have to accept that not every situation is the same as yours. Not every mom has 5 kids and a crazy daily regiment. Not every person seems to think that staying at home is such a taboo, in fact, it’s a small percentage of people who think this way, unfortunately it’s their voice that is the loudest. So true to “female form” you take something small and make into something much bigger. Now you come on here and because a few other people agree with you suddenly *everyone must think being a SAHM is a crime* atleast that’s how you make it sound.

            If being a SAHM comes with such a stigma and social backlash how much easier do you think it is for a SAHD?? You think people don’t ask me what I do all day? or why I’m not out working because “that’s what the man does”? You think it goes easy for somebody of the opposite sex to deal with the exact same patronizing criticism that the women do? On top of that I have to deal with feminists like yourself that sit here telling me that I couldn’t fathom the complexity, or am less adequate to do, your job strictly because I have a penis. It’s this type of narrow minded thinking that resulted in this article being written. Go ahead, perpetuate it.

            I understand women need “community” and they need to vent. However, when you seed your field with poisonous plants eventually they will get harvested. In other words, you women are creating the very thing this article is meant to “shed light on”. You even said yourself you’ve only heard these things from other women. Never men. Well then if women are in such need of community and love with cherry blossoms and rainbows, why are they also the first ones to make you feel like scum? To belittle you and criticize your choices? That’s some community.

            You say that this article is about people who say things that are rude and assume that your job is easy. However, that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re being rude and making assumptions about me my life and telling me I have no place.

            Well I’m a stay at home dad. I take care of my son to the damn best of my fucking abilities, it’s not easy. It can be forehead slapping, teeth grinding, headache bearing, mind numbingly difficult. Sometimes. Not all the time. (I know, I know, I only have 1 and you have 5… I thought it wasn’t a contest?).
            This IS about who’s job is harder otherwise you wouldn’t be fighting with me to prove that your job is hard.

            I’m in the same position as you, different circumstances, but the same position. I deal with same criticism, the same belittling, and the same stereotypical role I’m somehow supposed to fill, and yet when I come here to say my piece and “vent” like everyone else. I get told that I don’t have a right to say what’s on my mind or that my opinion is wrong…

            Why? Because I have less children than you???
            — How many children do the people have who agree with you? I’m sure they don’t all have 5.

            Why? Because I’m a man???
            — That’s just sad. If you honestly believe I can’t understand your anguish because I’m male then you have some serious growing up to do still. Don’t perpetuate the social stereotypes that you hate so much!!!!! (they’ll only come back to bite you ;-))

            I have just as much right to post here as any woman. I am a STAY AT HOME DAD, and if I think that it’s not as bad as “SOME PEOPLE” make it sound. I’m allowed to think that. Don’t color my life with your crayon.

            I want this destructive behaviour to stop.. eventually. Do you really think that an article that sparks a debate so heavily fueled by estrogen is really a good way to make it stop? A comment thread full of man-haters putting themselves up on a pedastol and getting their noses bent at anybody who doesn’t think they should be on one.

          • Ok. Either you COMPLETLEY misunderstood me, or you don’t really understand what “hypocrite” means.

            I never said that people think it’s a crime. I never said that there are people who don’t understand. And if people have made such awful comments to you, why aren’t you cheering on with a loud “I’ve heard that one!”

            And you keep saying her post is sexist. Is this another word you don’t really know the meaning of? Not once did she say that men say these things. Not once did she imply it was husbands or wives. She simply listed things not to say. Things it is rude to say.

            Do NOT forget that you chimed in on this one saying the women posting their experiences and venting their personal trials were “b****ing.” Hey. If you cannot handle the heat, get out of the water. For you the gloves came off in your first insulting comment.

          • I said an entire paragraph in my original post and the only thing you heard out of the whole thing was a B-letter word in part of my second last sentence!?

            YOU need to learn what hypocrite means. A hypocrite is somebody who thinks with a “Do as I say, not as I do” mentallity. Somebody who says one thing but does another. THAT’S YOU.

            You say: Don’t judge a person until you walk in a mile in their shoes.
            You do: You make assumptions about me and claim you know what I understand and how I parent.

            ^ That’s a hypocrite
            You say: The reason this article is good maybe people won’t say rude things in the future
            You do: You are continually rude about your position and talk down to me like we aren’t all on the same page here

            ^ That’s a hypocrite

            Stop doing the things you say are wrong and I wouldn’t call you a hypocrite. I have a pretty damn good understanding of the word thnk you!

            You don’t even remember half the shit you write in you own comments!!

            For one: I only said the word sexist ONCE in my FIRST post.

            So why do you keep saying I keep saying it????????? Are you that mental?


            The things you mention that I say that are not directly related to the article ARE IN RESPONSE TO THE ASSUMPTIONS AND CRITICISMS THAT YOU HAVE MADE
            So of course they aren’t part of the article. Then on top of it all you continue to be sexist with comments like “How extremely male of you” and “You still don’t get it” even though a paragrah above that you said that you never once told me I don’t get it or I couldn’t understand.


            You ma’am. Need a better hobby. I’m done with this waste of time. No matter what I say you’re just going to hear what you wanna hear and contradict yourself over and over again and then claim it’s me contradicting myself. Get over yourself you’re not as smart as you think you are.

            I will take part in this discussion again when you become rational about it. But seeing as you’re a Woman I doubt that’s going to happen. (Yeah I can sexist too. I don’t feel better about it. But apparently you do). Also take note I did not say THIS ARTICLE IS SEXIST again…. I said YOU ARE SEXIST. Only my orignal post was directly at the article. Everything after was directed at YOU and your closed-minded blindly-fighting irrational hatred. Yeah I fear for your 5 children if they grow up to think even 1/10th like you.

          • Answer a fool not in his folly. So I am done. I took the things you exactly said and anwered back to them. Feel free to hold on to your ignorance with a death cling. And have fun sporting that chip on your shoulder the size of New York State.
            You have a chance here to understand why women are speaking about their lives the way they do, and see into a life of a SAHM who doesn’t spend half the day in front of the TV, and instead of seeing it as a chance to understand someonje else and their point of view, you read, apparently, different words than I am writing and continue to let your ignorance disply itself all over the comments section. I don’t believe you have actually been reading my words. I am not the one that insulted an entire class of women ON A WOMEN’S BLOG PAGE! So you go on being rude, and I’ll go back to teaching my kids to be productive and compassionate. And maybe you should look up hateful too. Remember who gave the first blow here. And I have not called you names or cursed at you, and *I* am the hateful one?
            And a “hypocrite” “sexist” and “hateful” why? Because I don’t AGREE with YOU!? Because if anyone doesn’t just swallow YOUR opinion whole cannot possible be anything less that “hateful”?
            Yes, you certainly have the right to be a jerk. But I also have the right to call you on it. You want to come on here andtalk to women in that way, go right ahead, but be prepared for someone to speak to it. And just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t make me a hypocrite. The truth is that youv are asking me to do what YOU are unwilling to do! At least I am being polite! And if my kids display 1/10 the kind of self control I have displayed when dealing with unreasonable people that I have displayed to you, well, I could be quite proud of that.
            Perhaps you could stop trolling women’s sites and insulting them if you dislike us all so very much and can’t understand when we wish to vent about our lives. And I wasn’t even one venting! I just thought it was ridiculous that you thought it was appropriate to insult them! So you go on being a jerk. And I will get back to my hectic life -that I love! And raise my amazing kids, who are sweet, intellegent and gifted, and will not waste another moments on the likes of you.

          • lol there’s nothing in that paragraph you haven’t already said in one way or another and you are clearly blind to the fact that you are acting the exact same way you are castrating me for… so I’m just going to say this:

            LOL @ trolling womans websites and watching t.v. all day.. 1.
            I said “I spend half the day on my ass watching t.v. BECAUSE I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING ELSE THAT I NEED TO DO” .. Some days are busier than others sure.. it was mostly to get my point across.. it’s not ALL that I do.. so I’d appreciate it if you stopped making it sound like I really sit here and do nothing all day. Thank you. (Isn’t that why we are here?)
            2. You really think I have nothing better to do than to go around hate-mongering on woman’s websites? If you have been paying one ounce of attention you’d notice that my original post was from almost a year ago and I haven’t made any until you started with your incessant “holier than thou” comments.
            Also: this is the only “woman’s website” I go on for anything. Want to know why? I signed into facebook one day and it told me that somebody had read this article so I thought I would see what it says. I thought it was going to be funny honestly. Then I get here and I see a crap ton of posts from woman who do the exact same tasks I have to do all day making it sound like it’s the hardest thing in the world to do just because a few idiots who grow up with bad judgement and morals say some dumb shit to you once in a while. Now I, a person in the same boat as you stands up and says “Hey, don’t you think we’re going a little overboard here like holy cow, our job isn’t really THAT hard” and suddenly I’m thrown right into the group of people that say these things!? That’s nonsense and not fair. Now because I defend myself from the hurtful things you obviously don’t even realize you’re saying suddenly I’m a troll? Grow up.

          • PS.
            You’re a hypocrite because you contradict yourself.

            You’re sexist because of the sexist things you SAY.

            You’re hateful because of the hateful things you say to me because I DON’T AGREE WITH YOU

            So no, I call you these things not out of insult but because of observation and truth, you cannot preach to me about right and wrong if you can’t do it yourself. I think YOU should pull out a dictionary once in a while

          • Hey, feel free to get on here and say, “I think that this is easy!”
            But that isnt what you did. You insulted everyone who posted comments about their own trials.
            No one is asking for a medal here! No one thinks they should be on a pedistal! These women were talking about their own experiences and getting support from other women who understand! And you said they were all “b****ing!”
            What did you THINK would happen? Did you think that these women who work so hard all the time would LIKE it?
            And based upon what you said to Candy, you are actually coming on here and venting about something else because you talked about some things not even in the comments here. So. Who are you ACTUALLY angry with? Did you say something rude (like what you said on this blog) to another SAHP and they ripped you a new one or what? And I am not making assumptions about you. I actually asked the questions. But you didn’t do that -not with any of the previous posters! You just said they were -well, that “b” word again.
            You are yelling at me for calling you out on what you said was just your opinion. Really. So why is your insulting opinion OK, but not Candy’s opinion? Or the opinion of the other commentors? How come you are permitted to insult someone? They were also just stating their opinion! Who is the hypocrite now? If you can state yours, how come they can’t state theirs?
            And I never said you couldn’t do the job. Never even implied it! The world would be a much better place if more dads took the initiative to be involved in their kids’ lives day-to-day. I don’t think I am more qualified because I have more kids. Go for it! More power to ya!
            And NO ONE said that you cannot voice your opinion. Go for it. But if you start by insulting women who say it is hard, then you should EXPECT a response. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the ring. I am surprised more women didn’t jump on this one.
            And as for me thinking you couldn’t understand the complexities of being a SAHP. That is crap. I never said that. What I did do was answer to what you are very unlikely to understand: dynamics between women. Maybe one man in a billion actually gets it. And I answered to your own words! YOU are the one who demonstrated a lack of understanding! YOU are the one who thinks that this forum is unproductive and unhealthy! YOU are the one who thinks that since some women have made me feel like crap I should not seek out the support of other like-minded women. How extremely male of you…
            Do you see where I am coming from? Each thing I say you retort with ever-increasing evidence that you STILL DON’T GET IT! This is not about men and women. This is about being judged and not likeing it! That is what this 10 things post is about. And in you jump with the same judgements and incorrect conclusions. You clearly don’t know what women (or men) that it is hard for are going through. My message was in hopes to get you to look at it from another perspective. To see that some of us face seemingly unwin-able battles every day. And you just spin it onto this idea that it is sexist and that I am a “feminist” -which I am the furthest thing from, BTW. YOU have more feminist thinking than I do!
            And yet, men and women ARE hardwired differently! To deny this is to lose all the lovely differences that make relationships so mysterious and delightful. To deny it is to deny all the marvelous attributes that are most common to men and the way they relate to their families. I am a fan. And I don’t think that you aren’t a good dad. And I don’t think that men aren’t capable of relating to woman or filling a woman’s role. I do think that you don’t understand where I am coming from. But not because you are a man. And not because I think men cannot understand. But because YOUR OWN WORDS demonstrate that you DON’T. Forgive me for actually reading what you say. But THAT is what I have answered to – not some feministic rhetoric regurgitated from some person who actually DOESN’T know.
            And in the course of this conversation you have cursed and called names, insulted me, called me a hypocrite (still waiting for you to look that one up) and been generally rude and almost verbally combative in your answers. If you choose to hold so fiercly to your ignorance, who am I to argue? Women commenting on this post and pouring out their trials have legitimate trials. You cannot judge them -as you clearly have no point of reference. If you wish to insult these women, go for it. But do not expect to be able to do that without someone calling you on it. Freedom of speech goes both ways. You cannot have yours unless they have theirs. And they are legitimately dealing with their lives. Not “b****ing!”

  • I had my husband say to me “what do you DO all day?” once so I decided to show him. By “show him” I mean I took one day and decided not to do all the things I DO all day! I didnt clean the dishes, counters, toys, do any laundry, vaccuuming, or even tidying up at all! So when he got home, looked around the house in horror and said “what HAPPENED?!?!”. I looked him straight in the eye and said “you know how you always wonder what I do all day? Well today I didn’t do any of it!” Let’s just say he has never asked that question again!

  • I get tired of lazy women trying to act like sitting at home all day is hard. You’re not “on active duty” as I’ve heard it put. You’re not an educator, mediator, manager or any other term you’ve tried to twist. Ok, so you got lucky and you get to live off of somebody and set women back 50 years. Ok. Fine. You’ve got that right. But, stop trying to act like it’s real work and stop getting offended when people call you on it. You don’t clean all day every day, you don’t cook or do laundry all day every day. Most days you’re watching television, shopping, going to the gym or some other elective leisure activity.

    • I am MOMMY to someone so very important to me that I sacrifice my time, sleep, energy, privacy, money, and so many more —–y things that I can’t even list them all. Not an educator? How else is my child going to learn all the lessons that she needs to know before she starts school and during school? You are always your child’s teacher –even if you have other jobs to do. Not a mediator? Seriously, kids need constant mediation when there is more than 1 of them in a area. If you haven’t noticed, they have impulse control problems. . . Not a manager? There is no take out and fast food is almost nonexistent in my house. Trying to clean with a toddler IS REALLY HARD! Money is tight so I have to really plan and figure out how to best use our resources. By the way, my television viewing is limited to Sesame Street. Educational but sadly, no longer stimulating! I’ve got that counting thing down!

      • Oh, yeah! All that stuff about being a teacher, mediator, and so on is something that a mom does even when she has other activities (like a job) to do.

        • Um..yes…BUT…the mother (or dad) who is home ALL DAY is teaching their kids things while you are off working and someone else is teaching your kids.

          Lose the anger -we all make our own decisions. You are not superior to someone who chooses to stay home. In my case, I worked for 15 years in a professional position after college -saved a ton of money as I didn’t marry until 37 and the following year had a baby. I’m set financially and this was the best decision for us (I could not keep on with my management job and stress of traveling, long hours) while my husband travels 24×7. Please realize that there are a lot of different reasons folks become stay at home parents. And please get off of your high horse…it is really unbecoming.

    • Wow, Nicole. Sounds like you have the answers to everything. Or is it that you don’t have a clue? Hmmmm…which one…which one?

      I’m sure you are in such a very prestigious profession that you have the right to judge those who gave up careers (and good ones -over six figures) to be at home with their child or children.

      Now please get back to work -I’m surprised someone of your stature has time to peruse these boards…sounds like you have so many important things to do!

    • Do the people at you child’s daycare work? Is it a job? If it is so easy, why are you paying them? What about teachers at a school. Yes they teach, but also much of their day is logistics (bathroom breaks, lunch time, herding kids). Are their jobs meaningless? Do they sit on their buts all day watching TV? How in the world do they earn a paycheck! Are THEY lazy?
      Taking care of kids is not easy. Whether you have 2 or twenty (though 20 is more work) they still require supervision, mental and physical stimulation, food, clothing, make constant messes, need to learn any number of things and require time and attention. And in my family I have kids of several different ages who need to be challenged at their own level.
      As far as setting women back 50 years, I think you are delusional. The point of the woman’s movement is CHOICE! They can climb the corporate ladder if they WANT to or stay home if they WANT to. What is this that all women MUST make the same choices as you or they are “setting women back 50 years”? And how in the worl can you make a judgement about me being “lazy” simply because I decided that my kids were more important than a career.
      I too had a thriving career in insurance. I was good at what I did. And I will tell you, it is MUCH easier getting dolled up each day and walking out the door. Staying at home and doing all those little thankless (but very important) things day in and day out. People like you are fueling this fire between the working/non-working moms! All of us who did make the choice to stay home understand why these comments are so ridiculous. Because it isn’t easy. Because we aren’t lazy. We work our butts off.
      What you said is not true, and it was rude.

  • WOW! All of those are dead on!! It is so frustrating when those questions/comments come from your own husband.

    “Unlike you, I have to work all day tomorrow!”

  • I’ve heard #7 and #9 too many times to count. I’m a work-at-home mom and STILL get asked what I do all day, even though my income covers all of our bills. All of them. I’m always all, “what? Huh? Are you serious?” when I get asked #7. Makes me want to scream.

    And yes, my kids are clingy. So what. There are worse things for them to be, thank you very much.

  • [Just to clarify I accidently posted this as a response to a comment, I meant it to be on the thread itself, so if you see it twice that’s why..]

    Wow this thread is extremely sexist. I am a SAHD… yeah a SAHD, and I think it’s pie. It’s the easiest job I’ve had in my entire life. I can understand when a spouse comes home from work and doesn’t understand what the mother has done all day… I SPEND HALF THE DAY ON MY ASS watching T.V. becuase my house is already clean, the laundry is already done, the boy’s fed and clothed and playing on his own. Sometimes we read or take naps together… Yeah some days aren’t all peaches and they can be frustrating. BUT THEYRE FAR FROM HARD. Stop bitching and trying to prove who’s job is harder and do your best to RAISE YOUR KIDS. If you SAHM’s don’t have any time… why are you commenting on pointless, trivial websites?

    • The best part was when you called my livelihood “pointless” and “trivial.” Thank you for that!



      • So your livelihood is perpetuating the gender war and sparking rhetorical debates?? Thank YOU for that! This article is pointless yes, because it doesn’t do anything to help anybody. It accomplishes nothing but inspire people like myself to come on here and say sexist things and get into arguments about stupid shit, and then resent people for it! It’s trivial because no matter what I, or anybody else says the people using this thread are still going to believe what they believe no matter how hurtful or how polite you say it. It’s a one-sided article, and the people who HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT and know what they’re talking about are belittled and told they should wake up, or told (by people who don’t even know them) that they must be some corporate suit and tie wearing childless fool. You want a meaningful living, why don’t you post something that is helpful to SAHM’s instead of reopening old wounds and keeping the same old nonsense going around in circles? I understand you were approached to write this article, and it had very specific guidelines, you were just doing what you were asked, therefore, for me to say that this is a pointless and trivial, kind of keeps you safe from blame eh? Maybe next time you will accept a job that isn’t sexist, or spark the long-heated debate of “Who’s job is harder?” because THERE WILL NEVER BE AN AGREEMENT. You have a choice too, apparently you chose a pointless and trivial one. You’re Welcome and Have a Nice Day 🙂

  • the mailman once told me: ‘it must be nice to sit at home and watch tv all day with your baby.’ he also added: ‘ is your husband ok with you spending all his money since you don’t work?’

  • I’ve actually never had any of these said to me! I always get something about how lucky I am and to enjoy every moment! Although that’s usually from older women 🙂 I LOVE MY LIFE!

  • I just found you and I agree with a lot of what you listed. I want to add something I get ALL THE TIME and is makes me so angry.
    “Since you are home all day with you kids can you: watch, pick up from, take my kids to school too. For free…since you are doing it already one more kid isn’t that much work.” I have gotten that from so many other people it isn’t an understatement.

  • I get that this is an older thread. But the one stay-at-home Dad on here needs a slap upside the head. If YOU spend half your day watching TV while you are supposed to be taking care of your home and child, then you are the one who needs to rethink yourself. You are not doing a good job. You are doing a half-a**ed job of things. Stop telling people (women or men) who are doing a better job as a parent and SAH spouse that their lives are easy. I think they simply care about their families more, and do a lot more, than you admit to doing. Case closed. And you did more name calling and blaming than anyone else in response to this article. That is just a simple fact. Get a clue buddy.

  • The point of this post is to make us laugh & share our frustrations & feel relieved. It’s all true being a SAHM is harder than working. I wish I have the courage & determination to be a SAHM but I think I’m just the type of person who’ll be better as a mother when I work because I can’t really handle the stress & guilt when I fail to do it to perfection. Better being bashed by the boss than fail as a SAHM. Applaud to SAHM out there… I do think you guys make a world of difference to your family & our community. And please Dahizzle, you and your comments here just spoil the supportive sisterhood spirit people had here. Could you please go elsewhere? I’m sure there are SAHD post somewhere out the for you to vent out & if there isn’t… too bad for you…

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