Pregnancy Term of the Day: “Advanced Maternal Age”

Advanced Maternal Age (n.)

1.  When a mother is age 35 or older at the time of delivery of her baby;

2.  A not particularly uplifting description obviously made up by male doctors;

3.  The age at which a woman is officially too old to date Jack Nicholson;

4.  When an actress reaches the point in her career that she will only be considered for roles such as “Crazy Cat Lady” and “Charlie Sheen’s Mother”;

5.  The time in a woman’s life when she must trade in her mini-skirts for Bermuda shorts, according to Glamour‘s monthly “What to Wear in Your 20s, 30s, 40s and Beyond (a.k.a. ‘When You Have One Foot in the Grave’)!” column.

An even more deflating synonym:  Geriatric pregnancy.

More Storktionary terms…

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Ugh…. because I had twins, I was of Advanced Maternal Age at only 33. My life is officially over. Must trade in hotpants for the bermudas….

  • I have a huge red sticker across the top of my chart that says (in all caps) “HIGH RISK PREGNANCY: ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE”. It was there for my last pregnancy too (and I was just a sprightly 34 back then!). Regardless, I wore hot pants to the delivery room.

  • I’m 37 and pregnant. It just made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I saw the word ‘Elder’ on my ultrasound request form at the hospital…

  • Oh am I in trouble! I didn’t even have my first child till I was 36. But, God is so good! He gave me 2 more. My last was at age 43….Of course, she came after 3 miscarriages. But, I’ll concentrate on the rejoicing part! My doc always told me he was not afraid of my age – that we make better parents. Time will tell.