Pregnancy Term of the Day: “Advanced Maternal Age”

Jun 28, 2012 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Storktionary

Advanced Maternal Age (n.)

1. When a mother is age 35 or older at the time of delivery of her baby;

2. A not particularly uplifting description obviously made up by male doctors;

3. The age at which a woman is officially too old to date Jack Nicholson;

4. When an actress reaches the point in her career that she will only be considered for roles such as “Crazy Cat Lady” and “Charlie Sheen’s Mother”;

5. The time in a woman’s life when she must trade in her mini-skirts for Bermuda shorts, according to Glamour‘s monthly “What to Wear in Your 20s, 30s, 40s and Beyond (a.k.a. ‘When You Have One Foot in the Grave’)!” column.

An even more deflating synonym: Geriatric pregnancy.

More Storktionary terms…

6 Comments

About Candy

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

6 Responses to “Pregnancy Term of the Day: “Advanced Maternal Age””

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KatCav says:

Ugh…. because I had twins, I was of Advanced Maternal Age at only 33. My life is officially over. Must trade in hotpants for the bermudas….
June 16th, 2009 at 12:04 pm - Reply
Cowgirl in the Sand says:

I have a huge red sticker across the top of my chart that says (in all caps) “HIGH RISK PREGNANCY: ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE”. It was there for my last pregnancy too (and I was just a sprightly 34 back then!). Regardless, I wore hot pants to the delivery room.
June 16th, 2009 at 12:20 pm - Reply
Candy says:

Let’s hear it for hot pants!
June 16th, 2009 at 12:35 pm - Reply
Gwendolyn says:

I’m 37 and pregnant. It just made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I saw the word ‘Elder’ on my ultrasound request form at the hospital…
June 16th, 2009 at 3:59 pm - Reply
Tere says:

Oh am I in trouble! I didn’t even have my first child till I was 36. But, God is so good! He gave me 2 more. My last was at age 43….Of course, she came after 3 miscarriages. But, I’ll concentrate on the rejoicing part! My doc always told me he was not afraid of my age – that we make better parents. Time will tell.
June 17th, 2009 at 2:26 pm - Reply
Mountainmamma says:

having my first at 34, maybe my husband shuld get me a stroller too…..
September 16th, 2009 at 3:13 pm - Reply