Potty Training: 10 Signs It May Not Be Going Well

Being in the midst of off-and-on potty training, ourselves, I thought I would share some wisdom I’ve gleaned along the way — mainly, 10 signs that potty training may not be going well.

1.  Toddler has broad definition of “potty.”

2.  Toddler unwisely insists, “I DO IT MYSELF!”

3.  You notice the potty has been turned into a toy storage compartment.

4.  There are slight logistical issues.

5.  Toddler tries to distract you from training process by using potty as accessories for song-and-dance number.

6.  Toddler avoids process by employing a potty trainee replacement.

7.  Toddler exhibits a certain pride in forgetting to tell you she has to go potty.

8.  A Number One takes days, sometimes weeks, to accomplish.

9.  Your child says, “Uh, Mom, seriously?  I’m only four months old.”

10.  Your toddler’s room looks like this.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

10 CommentsLeave a comment

  • We’ve been potty training for a year now. A year!! Hardest thing I’ve had to do since the kid was born.

    • I KNOW. Mr. Candy and I keep shaking our heads and mumbling, “Number ten. Oh please, don’t let us ever have a number ten.”

  • This post could also double as one of those “How potty training and college keggers are similar” posts.

  • Hilarious! But the second-last one looks like it’s probably EC, a common practice pretty much everywhere but North America. It’s not quite the same as potty training, the idea is that you never actually have to train at all. You do that one, so the rest of them don’t happen! Check it out, http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/

  • I had #10. Not that bad, but she loved to touch her poop, and painted it on the daycare lady’s wall one time. Also painted her crib with it. I started her playing with Play Doh more often, and it seemed to work, giving her that squishy feel without grossing everyone out. Hopefully #2 daughter doesn’t come out like that. I deserve a break!

  • I think that at the moment, we will be in pull-ups forever. “Pee-pee” is good but poopy? Bribery, promise of a party, candy. Nothing works. Will I have to go to kindergarten with her to change her diaper? Aack! Then there is the cat who if there is one other poop in the litter box, that is too much. So she poops on the floor. We are losing the poop war.