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Father of the Week So Far: Desmond Hatchett, Father of 30 Kids, Asks for Break on Child Support

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Father of the Week So Far: Desmond Hatchett, Father of 30 Kids, Asks for Break on Child Support

Apparently, there has been a 14-year emergency shortage of condoms in Knoxville, because a 33-year-old man living there has fathered 30 — yes, THIRTY — children and is asking the courts for some mercy in the child support department.

30 kids!  No wonder he has no hair.

Yes, Desmond Hatchett has children with 11 different women, reports WREG-TV.

You know the old saying:  get two different women pregnant, shame on you; get 11 different women pregnant… DUDE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  PUT ON A FREAKIN’ TROJAN!

The state already takes half his paycheck and divides it up, which doesn’t amount to much when Hatchett is making only minimum wage. Some of the moms receive as little as $1.49 a month (or: about the same as shipping and handling to mail the check).  His youngest children are toddlers, while the oldest child is 14 years old.  Hopefully, none of the poor kids inherited his common sense.

Hatchett explains how he reached such a critical mass: He had four kids in the same year. Twice.

Back in 2009 when Hatchett was in court to answer charges that many of the mothers were not receiving child support, he had “only” 21 children. At the time, he said he was not going to father any more kids, but — surprise! — he ended up having nine more in the past three years.

The state cannot order Hatchett to stop making babies. He hasn’t broken any laws, according to the report.  And while Hatchett continues to reproduce like a rabbit without consequences, here are some things that are a crime in Tennessee:

Sharing your Netflix password:  illegal.

Shooting any game other than whales from a moving automobile: illegal.

Using a lasso to catch a fish: illegal.

Holding hands at school: illegal.

Giving and receiving oral sex:  yup, ILLEGAL.

Carrying a skunk into the state: well, duh.

Maybe if they made oral sex legal, that would help with Hatchett’s population control issue.  (Because, you know, I’m sure everyone abides by that law.  *Ahem*)

 

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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