Wherein I Show My Age: My Thoughts on the “Most Popular Baby Names of 2012”

When Mr. Candy and I were selecting baby names, we had a highly scientific process of disagreeing on almost every girl’s name, then coming across Skylar in a baby book and shrugging, “Huh.  Yeah.  That might work.”  And with Drew, well, that was the only boy’s name we both liked.  So…Drew, it was.

Fascinating, I know.  Almost as exciting as listening to Al Gore narrate a paint-drying session.

Many other expectant parents, however, apparently turn to pop culture for name inspiration.  According to baby naming website, Nameberry, some of the most popular names this year (as extrapolated from an analysis of almost 3 million page views on their site) will be borne (pun intended) out of Hunger Games mania and celebrity families.  However, when I hear these “newly” popular names…well, I know I’m getting old because I think of someone else entirely.  For example:


What new parents are thinking of:

The smallest and youngest participant in Hunger Games.

What I think of:

The woman who played the horny old chick on Golden Girls.


What new parents are thinking of:

The villain in the Hunger Games.

What I think of:

The loser who lived in O.J. Simpson’s guest house.


What new parents are thinking of:

The Royal Swedish couple’s baby girl

What I think of:

The old lady who played an even older lady on Golden Girls.  (With this trend, “Bea” can’t be far behind.)


What new parents are thinking of:

The Disney star.

What I think of:

Business in the front, party in the back.

Other names predicted to be popular include:  Emmett; Ivy; Adele; Grayson; and Aria.  Once again, Candy is overlooked, much to the chagrin of future hookers everywhere.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.


  1. rachael

    Apr 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    I laughed with a hearty snort at the picture of Kato Kaelin!

  2. Mrs. Harrison Ford

    Apr 13, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Don’t forget that strippers are also fond of the name Candy ;0)