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Dear Candy

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Welcome to the launch of “Dear Candy,” a not-at-all-credible, kinda weekly(ish) advice column from a new mother who has no idea what she’s doing.

Dear Candy:

I am seven months pregnant and looking for a stylish diaper bag, one that doesn’t look like a diaper bag if you know what I mean.  Any ideas where I can find a cool mommy bag?

Preggers in Atlanta

Dear Preggers in Atlanta,

Why, it seems like just yesterday that I was scouring all of the latest pregnancy and celebrity style sites for just such a bag.  After months of laboring (pun intended) over this all-important decision, I finally decided on an exorbitantly priced leather diaper bag carried by the likes of Jessica Alba.  (Because, you know, if I carry the same diaper bag as Jessica, I will pretty much look like her twin.  True story.)  I even hunted down a sample sale for the bag’s label here in L.A., went to the designer’s condo to check them out, and wavered between two different colors for several hours before deciding upon a beautiful metallic eggplant that surely would make me look like a “cool mommy.”

Fast forward two-and-a-half years and two kids later…THIS is what I’m using as my “diaper carrier”:

Yes, that would be my husband’s ass, full of diapers and baby hats, at the L.A. Zoo yesterday (while my gorgeous, overpriced diaper bag remained at home).  Classy, ain’t it?

Which is my long-winded way of saying I recommend finding your diaper carrier on the Extra-Wide Pocket shelf at The Gap.  Or the garbage bag aisle at your local grocery store.

Happy Shopping!

Candy

Dear Candy:

Do you trust what this woman tells you? I didn't think so.

The woman imparting her parental pearls of wisdom. Do you trust her advice? I didn't think so.

We just moved in with my parents so we can save money to get our own house. My husband and I haven’t had sex in a month and are driving each other crazy. It’s hard living with my parents and having our 8-month-old in the same room. My husband wants to have sex but I feel it’s going be weird with our son laying in his crib.  And it’s not like we can go into another room because my dad is retired and is always home.

Do you think it’s okay to have sex with your baby in the same room or do you think it’s weird?

mom-doesnt-always-know-best

Dear mom-doesnt-always-know-best,

Yes.  And yes.

Happy Sexy Times!

Candy

 

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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