Relationship Obituaries: Seal and Heidi Klum

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I haven’t been hit this hard by celebrity break-up news since the Reese-and-Ryan Split of ’06…

Heidi Klum and Seal, who always seemed like the kind of couple with whom I’d like to have play dates, if only they would return my many calls and lift the restraining order, have confirmed they are separating after almost seven years of marriage.

I know… bummer, right?  And not just about the restraining order.

Heidi, 38, and Seal, 48, released a joint statement to People saying:

“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul-searching we have decided to separate.”

Translation:  Time to scratch the 7-year itch!  (Which Heidi seems to be doing with that saxophone.)

*Sigh*  R.I.P. Marriage of Heidi and Seal.  Their marriage is, of course, survived by their children Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2, as well as the indelible visual of Seal’s sizable package in biker shorts, thanks to Heidi’s impossible-to-forget story of how she and Seal first met.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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