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The folks at Babble.com just released their annual list of “Best Mom Blogs” featuring 100 talented and classy women — exponentially more classy than last year’s list because, well, I have been dropped from the honorees. I’m not going to lie: it stings a little. Not just because I didn’t make the cut, but because they expanded the list from 50 to 100 featured bloggers and I still failed to make the cut.
I know, I know… ouch. Now would somebody tell the cats to stop looking at me with such grave disappointment? Nobody’s looked at me like that since I told my Grandma Kirby I’d been offered a job as a staff writer on the soap opera “The Bold and the Beautiful” and she replied, “So this means you’re never going to law school?”
My boobs aren’t the only thing that went downhill after giving birth to Drew in June. This site did, too, because I simply did not have the time to post with the same frequency I did pre-baby-who-never-sleeps-or-naps-or-lets-me-put-him-down-for-a-second. With both kids in daycare now, however, I’m starting to get my groove back. I also have time to surmise other reasons I was booted from the list…
Top 10 Possible Reasons Why Babble Kicked Me Off Their “Top Mom Blogs” List
10. This year’s bribe check bounced.
9. My mom refused to vote for me repeatedly this year.
8. They didn’t want their readers to be intimidated by my beauty:
7. With Disney acquiring Babble, I was disqualified for publicly announcing I had ogled a pantless Donald Duck.
6. Negative points for overuse of italics, em dashes, ellipses, “in fact” and easy Kardashian jokes.
4. They were hoping for less talk of Mr. Candy’s cute butt, more pictures.
3. The husband-wife team behind Babble had me blackballed for poking fun at their Christmas card:
2. They are afraid they’ll lose advertisers if they continue to support a woman with the #1 name for hookers in the U.S.
1. They left the site, angry I had lured them with false promises. “Laughing stork? I didn’t even SEE a stork on there, let alone a jolly one, did you?”
In all seriousness, congratulations to all the wonderful moms on the list who will hopefully learn from my mistakes: ALWAYS respect Donald Duck, despite (or because of) his aversion to pants.