38 Weeks: Inductions and Photos and Ducks… Oh My!

Once in a lifetime comes a parenting blog with photographs so touching, it makes you feel like having kids all over again.

This is not that blog.

The doctor would like to induce me next weekend because of Baby Freedom’s estimated size — 98th percentile as of two weeks ago — so I was hoping to make the most of our remaining time as a family of three this weekend.  We trekked to Santa Monica to enjoy the park with the duck pond, promising Miss Skye that we’d see ducks and making duck noises and flapping our arms like a duck the entire drive there… only to find they’d drained the pond for its “annual cleaning.” Awesome.   To help ease the blow, I simply told Skye that the ducks had gone bye-bye for a very good cause:  foie gras.

I thought we could salvage the park visit by taking some moving pictures of me, 38 weeks pregnant with the baby they didn’t think would make it past 27 weeks, with my beloved firstborn.

I should have explained to my beloved firstborn which definition of “moving” I meant.

At least the outing temporarily distracted me from the whole induction decision, with which I have been consumed for the past week.  I have mixed emotions about inducing a week early.  On one hand, ultrasound-based measurements can be 1-2 pounds off, plus the women in my family seem to be built to birth big babies, plus I kind of feel like that at this point…?  After surviving all the cervix and bed rest drama?  Freedom should be allowed to make his debut whenever he feels good and ready.

On the other hand, I’m not crazy about the idea of pushing out a child who could eat Shaquille O’Neal for breakfast.  Especially considering babies aren’t supposed to eat solids until they’re six months old.

I e-mailed my cousin, the one who birthed an almost eleven pounder (with NO C-SECTION), for advice and she said she would induce early if she were to have a second child.  The 30 hours of labor and bruising forceps likely had something to with that advice.  She also mentioned something about “walking funny” for a week after delivering, at which point I may or may not have clutched my genitals.

Then there’s my mom, the five-foot-three (and shrinking) woman who had three kids over nine pounds, who reassured me with her trademark sensitivity.

“I don’t get what the big deal is.  Your great-grandma gave birth to an eleven-pound baby.  On a farm.  With NO DOCTOR OR MEDICATION.”

Meaning:  Until I’m lying on a haystack squeezing out a newborn bigger than a horse, I should just shut my wimp-ass mouth and woman up.

We return to the perinatologist this week to reassess Freedom’s size and make our decision — if the kid doesn’t decide to arrive earlier, that is.  We walked a few miles around the city this morning and, ever since, the pressure down there has been so intense, so excruciatingly uncomfortable that I can barely walk two feet without a cry escaping from my wimp-ass mouth.

My great-grandma not only would have powered through this pain, but she would have done it while carrying Shaquille O’Neal and a horse on her back during the 20-mile walk to the farm.  True story.

Oh, okay, after all this pained vagina and cannibalistic baby talk, I feel like I owe you one touching picture:

A kiss from “Ma-Ma” for being born with a blessedly small head.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

27 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I’d say something witty here, but after recalling that I’m the only child out of six who had to be delivered via C-section due to my size…I’ll just say be careful and take care. *hugs*

  • I can sympathize with your dilemma (the being induced one; not the big baby – you’re on your own there!) My second child was two weeks overdue and they wanted to induce him. I was a bit upset as I felt that he wouldn’t have the birthday he was intended to have but rather an arbitrarily picked date and a “forced” birth experience. Plus I was a bit worried about the entire process itself. I went to bed the night before we were to go to the hospital and my labour started and he was born on the day he was going to be induced anyway! He was only 8 lbs 13 oz and I swear he dislocated my hips. I also couldn’t walk for several weeks after he was born. Best of luck to you all. Great pic.

    • Sounds familiar! We were going to induce at 40 weeks with Miss Skye to ensure she arrived while my parents were here. I didn’t think I’d have a problem with inducing, but suddenly became very upset when her due date approached. Thankfully, she, too, decided to arrive the very day we were going to induce.

      These kids must have a sixth sense.

  • I am totally keeping my fingers crossed for a small baby (Too bad I was humungous), cause I’ve been told that there is no way I can do a C-section (blood won’t clot).

    Each time I read about labour, I get more and more disturbed by the whole process. (Damn google and it’s endless supply of pictures and information).

    I feel you on unsympathetic mothers. Mine’s answer to everything is: ‘I was in hospital on induction for two weeks, before being in labour for 30 hours, and then when you nearly killed me coming out, I had a c-section, so you haven’t felt anything yet’

    How encouraging.

    Miss Skye is adorable. 😀 (Has anyone called her skype by accident?)

  • I was induced with my second (whom was two weeks late for the party) and it really isn’t that bad, they used cerdaville because I refused to have pitocin. That’s another point I mean to make; you CAN refuse anything that makes you uncomftorable or unsure ( as long as it doesn’t jeopardize baby Freedom) it’s your body and your baby. Good luck with it all and keep us posted! 🙂

    • Thanks, Sarah. Oh, I will surely keep you posted…last time, I was Tweeting and blogging from my delivery bed.

  • I find it hilarious that not all that long ago the freak out was that baby freedom would make an early appearance and now the talk is inducing you to get him out of there. You did bed rest a little too well, it seems.

  • Hey there, I hope all goes well for you! As a doula, I would suggest asking what their induction plan is (there are different possibilities) and do a little research to see if you are comfortable with it (options are a good thing). 🙂 Also, finding out your Bishop’s score can be a good thing (that lets you know how “ready” your body is). I’ve attended quite a few inductions, and I’m generally not a fan, but second babies tend to be much easier to induce than first babies. 🙂

    As a mom who had a big baby, I’ll just say I am everlastingly grateful that my chunky-monkey decided to come at 39 weeks instead of continuing to grow in there! I did push him out quickly (after a long labor), but whoever mentioned walking funny wasn’t joking! Let’s just say this: if my son ever brings home a girl I can’t stand, I’ll tell her allllll about pushing out that huge Swedish noggin of his. LOL

    I’m sure you’ll do great, though, and lil’ Mr. Freedom will have a great entrance, no matter who picks the date. 🙂

    Roksi, if you are concerned about giving birth, you might want to look into having a doula. Even if you don’t have a lot of funds, you can usually get a training doula for considerably cheaper than others. (A training doula won’t usually have quite as much experience, but they can still be great, if you click well with them.) 🙂

    • We don’t have doulas here! Crazy I know – But what I will have is a room full of surgeons attempting to not let me bleed to death.

      I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that that means no one would give me an episiotomy (Why induce extra bleeding?) – Cause since I found out about that, it’s been haunting me.

      That’s what they should show in sex ed classes to deter teenage pregnancies. What’s a bigger deterrent than someone taking scissors to your crotch? (I know it’s usually not scissors but still :D)

      What do doulas do exactly?

    • Thanks, Dayelily. Your insight is greatly appreciated. My Bishop’s Score is 11 — “very favorable” for induction. I’m 3cm dilated, 80% effaced at station -2. Also hoping that means he might decide to arrive in the meantime. We’ll see…

  • Good luck Candy! I am terrified of having my husbands kiddo’s! They all seem to be as big as turtles! My nieces were both over 10lbs and one of them was literally 24in! Hoping my birth weight evens out things for our kiddos in the future.
    You will do great! Don’t do anything your not comfortable with.

  • Candy! You will do fantastic! Your little girl paved the wand your second will be great! I’ve had 4… Three in 3 years. Had inductions with 3 because of the huge baby issue – no gest diabetes just supposed bIg babes. Not really so much- 9 lbs. 8lbs and 7.5 lbs….. The fourth was on my own, 2 weeks early and 8 1/2. 2 mins 2 pushes. No walking funny. No stitches. No drama.
    Think and visualize a perfect delivery the way YOU want it. Just remember, inductions come with a higher rate of c-section and pushing out a 10 pound baby with an epidural is really the same as pushing out a 7-8 lb baby. I know this, from experience.
    Read a couple of my blog entries from this last Dec and Jan when I was at the end of my pregnancy…. They will make you laugh- promise. http://www.mydiaperdiaries.com
    Going to keep watching your blog- cannot wait to hear about your experience!!
    All my best mamma! Tracy

  • I was freaked out about being induced but…I was kinda into it. Babies are awesome. Labor sucks. Why not shorten that part of the operation?

  • Us moms are rockstars when it comes to this stuff and you and Baby Freedom will be fine either way. I’m so excited for you!!

    Love the pics by the way!!

  • This is totally IMHO but I think a rapid elevation change will bring on labor. I drove from LA to SF at 39 1/2 weeks & wasn’t showing any signs of being ready. That afternoon I was dilated to 1 cm and had the baby w/in 2 days. Just met a lady who had a similar experience going to Tahoe.
    Give the grapevine a try. You have nothing to lose and lots to gain with an educational tour of Tejon Ranch. 😉

  • Odds are they will say they are inducing you and will arrive at the hospital ready to go only to find out the doctor has some other matter to see to and will be in to induce you about 8 hours later. And your expectedly giant baby will be 9 lbs instead of 11. This happened to my sister. The plus side is that the overdue giant second baby does everything before he is supposed to. This means freedom comes faster. Also, your hair looks FANTASTIC in those pictures.