Informal Survey of Doctors Reveals There Are No Stupid Questions, Only Stupid Parents

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We tell our children there are no stupid questions; however, some pediatric residents venting on the Student Doctor Network forums beg to differ.  Here is a sampling of “not-so-smart” inquiries — or, as they so delicately call them, “stupid parent questions” — they’ve had to field from us nutso parents:

(ED. NOTE:  THE ANSWER IS NO, AS LONG AS SHE WASHES IT DOWN WITH VODKA)

Parent: I’ve been smoking while I’m breastfeeding. Is that bad?

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(FINGERS CROSSED HER HUSBAND IS BAD AT MATH)

Several times, I’ve had mother’s insist that their babies were much lower in gestational age (dad was deployed).
Me: “Ma’am, are you sure your baby is only 32 weeks? We don’t see many 9 pound 32-week preemies!”

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(THAT’S DR. MCCARTHY TO YOU)

Parent: Jenny McCarthy says I shouldn’t vaccinate my kids. I shouldn’t, right?

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(MY HUSBAND DOES THE SAME THING FOR SEX)

Parent: My kid won’t sleep through the night
Me: What happens?
Parent: They wake up in the middle of the night and cry until I come into the room.
Me: What do you do then?
Parent: I give them a snack, play with them and cuddle with them until they fall asleep
Me: *confused look*
Parent: Why do they keep waking up?

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(PRECISELY WHY I HAVEN’T SLEPT IN 30 YEARS)

We had a mom call the other day to ask how to get her 6 year old to sleep after that Dad let her watch Poltergeist.

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(TALK ABOUT AN INVOLVED MOM)

A call in from the mommy pager:
“My 15 year old daughter gets a sore throat every time she gives head. Should I bring her in to get checked out?”
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(HEART, SCHMEART)

Me to kid’s parent:  “Any past medical issues?”
Parent:  “No”.
Me: “Um, why the scar here?”
Parent:  “Oh, yeah. He had to have some kind of heart surgery.”

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(SO… IT’S PINK EYE?)

2 week old’s mom: Why does my baby have an eye infection?
Me: Well, when did the green discharge start?
Mom: A few days after I began using breast-milk soaked cotton balls to clean her eyes.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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2 Comments

  1. Deeva

    Jun 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    These are hilarious and sad.

  2. Mrs. Harrison Ford

    Jun 2, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    People should have to take a common sense test before they’re allowed to have children or in the above cases- breed. Hello, sterilization!

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