Top 10 Signs A Nanny Candidate May Not Be Right for You

10.  “Playboy Playmate 2009” is listed among the jobs on the candidate’s resume*.

9.  When you ask if she is certified in CPR, the candidate says no, she has never taken an accounting class.

8. She thinks the Diaper Genie is a character from Aladdin.

7.   When asked how long she’s known she’s wanted to work with kids, she asks what today’s date is.

6.  Her favorite movie is The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.

5.  Interview question:  At what point would you call 911?  Candidate’s answer:  After I’ve turned on the computer, checked my Facebook, then googled “Child has stopped breathing.  What to do?”

4.  “Former Star of Two and a Half Men” and “Warlock” listed among the jobs on the candidate’s resume.

3.  After she meets your kids, she asks if you have any other positions available not involving your kids.

2.  She thinks FarmVille is an acceptable way for the kids to get involved with outdoor activities.

1.  Asks if it’s okay if she brings the kids along when she visits her boyfriend. During penitentiary visiting hours.

*From a wife/mother’s perspective.  Clearly.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  • True story: I interviewed a childless single woman in her early 40s who had an entire nursery set up in her home (brand new crib, changing table, glider, and more/better toys that we own). She wanted to nanny my 4 month old son in her home instead of ours, saying, “Well I already remodeled a room for him to use.” No, that wasn’t the slightest bit weird. I did tell her, “You do realize that this looks like you are planning to kidnap my child, don’t you? But I know where you live, so it wouldn’t work out very well for you.” And no, we didn’t choose her as our nanny.

    • And she asked for his passport, just in case they had to make a “special trip” across the border together?

      Yeah, that doesn’t sound weird at all. Too bad it didn’t work out with her.