The Best Charlie Sheen Quotes as Interpreted by Our Cats

Mar 1, 2011 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture | Tags: charlie sheen

“I am dealing with trolls and fools.”

–Charlie Sheen, as interpreted by Matty (R.I.P.)

“I think people mistake my passion for anger.”

–Charlie Sheen, as interpreted by Marcy

“You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

–Charlie Sheen, as interpreted by Lucy

“I have defeated this earthworm with my words… imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists!”

“They picked a fight with a warlock!”

“Duh! Winning!”

“Rhymes with winning? That would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules.”

“[To join AA], you gotta sit in a room and be all lame. I’m a winner and they look like losers.”

“I have a ten-thousand-year-old brain, and the boogers of a seven-year-old.”

“I’m fine — I have a plan.”

“And, you know, they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives… and then they look at me and they think, ‘I just can’t process it.’”

“There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”

“I’m gonna live my life the way I want, I’m gonna win inside every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show.”

And yet another interpretation of “…fools and trolls”:

CREDITS:

Inspiration by Medium Large and Laughing Stork reader, Julie

Introspective quotes by Charlie Sheen spewed on most every media outlet on the planet (plus Mars!)

Dramatic interpretations by Marcy, Lucy and Matty (we miss ya, big guy… but your work lives on!)

8 Comments

About Candy

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

8 Responses to “The Best Charlie Sheen Quotes as Interpreted by Our Cats”

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Vera says:

Awesome.
March 1st, 2011 at 5:23 pm - Reply
Eize says:

Neat!
March 1st, 2011 at 8:22 pm - Reply
Deeva says:

LOL! Your kitties do crazy well!!
March 1st, 2011 at 11:01 pm - Reply
Julie says:

LOL yours are even better than the original ones! Great job, couldn’t pick a favourite if I tried
March 2nd, 2011 at 12:16 am - Reply
Julie says:

PS here are more “Pure and complete gnarly-isms” to start your day with: http://www.livethesheendream.com/
March 2nd, 2011 at 2:20 am - Reply
- Candy says:
  
  That floating Charlie head they use would make a fabulous Halloween mask.
  March 3rd, 2011 at 12:53 pm - Reply
Mrs. Harrison Ford says:

Way more entertaining with cats than with the train wreck known as Charlie Sheen!

Keep them coming, funny lady!
March 2nd, 2011 at 10:01 am - Reply
Jannette Bayhonan says:

Did anyone check out his tv fiasco last week? Charlie is clearly nuts. His behavior is unbelievable, yet it’s great entertainment.
March 13th, 2011 at 8:35 pm - Reply