My Redbook Debut: “Things to Never Say to… A Stay-at-Home Mom”

Redbook magazine asked me to whip up 10-15 “things to never say to a stay-at-home mom” for their March issue, being sold on newsstands near you right now!  (Hint, hint.)  Now, I’m lucky to have what I think is the best of all worlds:  Daycare to watch Skye for 5-7 hours while I work from home (another misleading sentence, because ALL moms “work”… but you know what I mean) and have the flexibility to spend quality time with her in the mornings and late afternoons.  So I do not claim to have walked in the shoes of a stay-at-home mom, the hardest job in the world.  Seriously.  On the days when Skye has been home from daycare with pink eye or the flu or mad cow disease or whatever, and I’ve had to run after her for 12 hours with barely a break?  I PASS OUT in bed like I haven’t passed out since the Tequila Shot Incident of 1998.

Only with even more drool hanging from my mouth and Magic Marker drawings on my forehead.

I am, however, friends with stay-at-home moms and happen to be the daughter of a woman who was a fabulous stay-at home mom of three (who laughed and said she did experience a few ignorant comments from “working” mothers who somehow thought their time was more valuable), so I was able to come up with some zingers.  You’ll have to check out the March issue of Redbook (pg. 26) for my better ones, but for now…?  Here are the rejects they ended up not using (hey, they can’t all be winners):

Things to Never Say to… A Stay-at-Home Mom

REJECT #1: If I had to stay at home all day, I’d probably pack on a few extra pounds, too.

REJECT #2:  I would go nuts without intellectual stimulation – but it’s great you don’t need it!

REJECT #3:  You must be well-versed in all of the soap operas, huh?

REJECT #4:  Good for you!  Nothing wrong with being just a stay-at-home mom.

UPDATE:  Read the full list here.

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

9 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Congrats on the Redbook assignment!

    And I bet I’m not the only one who’d like to see your “new” hair color.

  • I doubt we get Redbook in Switzerland but I’m sure it’ll be on the internet once the next issue hits the newsstands and I’d love to read it then!

  • Thanks, ladies!

    Photographic evidence of the blonde ‘do will be posted at some point, I’m sure. Kind of wishing I’d gone red instead now. *Sigh* (Can you say “pregnancy-fueled mood swings”?)

  • Congratulations on the Redbook assignment ! I must have missed the new hair color ?! Huh? I just woke up. Excuse my ignorance !

  • Id love to read the rest of the list on the mag. Unfortunately, we dont have it in my country, can you let us know if its going to be published online?

    cant wait to see your new ‘do. We all want to see it. xoxo

    • Not sure if it’s going to be published online; however, I will post the rest of the list next month here on TLS! Thanks for your interest.