Awesome Valentine’s Day Smooches

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"I never asked to be the meat in this smooch sandwich!"


"Not until you've had an Altoid, woman."


Now THAT'S true love.


He didn't even call the next day. What a pig.


In five years, the sweet kisses will be replaced by atomic wedgies.


Subtle flirtation.


"Mom, stop! What if my face freezes this way?!"


Young love. So sweet. So full of cooties.


"I don't think so, buddy. I'M the only man in Mom's life now!"


"I NEVER told this cat he could go to first base with me."


"I've been waiting for this opportunity ever since I first spotted you across the crowded playground."


"Let me help you with that smudge of sweet potato there..."


That awkward moment when nobody wants to make the first move.


"My. What a, um, long tongue you have."


"Here, allow me. Mom and Dad don't wash you properly..."


"So THIS is what it feels like to kiss a Kardashian."


"You're a good kisser, Elmo, but maybe you could shave next time?"


"Not a Frencher!"


"There is so much wrong with this, Mom, I don't even know where to begin."


"More PDA? Fine, but make it quick."

Valentine’s Day is not just about expressing love with flowers, cards and candy — it is also about being deeply, deeply sad that you cannot split a celebratory bottle of Shiraz with your husband or slip into sexy lingerie without resembling a sausage because you are five months pregnant.  Or maybe that’s just my romantic view of it.

As any historian will tell you, the holiday is rooted in honoring Saint Valentine, a romantic martyr who was persecuted as a Christian and, more importantly, as a lover of Internet memes, especially funny pictures of babies, cats and dogs kissing.

This slideshow is for you, St. Valentine.

(To read the captions accompanying the photos, click on — you guessed it — “Caption”)

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.

For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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