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Goodwill Had Better Get Ready for a Windfall

Candy's Column

Goodwill Had Better Get Ready for a Windfall

Because I’m pretty sure — and I could be TOTALLY wrong about this — our little boy won’t want to wear his sister’s hand-me-downs.

He probably also won’t be too jazzed about me referring to his private parts as “bits.”  Perhaps I should use Mr. Candy’s preferred and MUCH more appropriate term:  “wang.”

Upon learning we’re having a boy:

MR. CANDY:  Cool!  One of each.  That’ll be fun.

ME:   I have so many sweater vests and newsboy caps to buy, it isn’t even funny.

MY MOM:  I knew it!  I was right.  Of course I was right.  Did I mention I was right?

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW (and mother of three sons):  Oh!  Great!  …Though another little girl sure would have been nice.  *SIGH*

MISS SKYE:  More ‘nana?  (Banana, for those who don’t speak Skylar-ese)

THE CATS:  As long as you teach this one how to feed us treats, too, it’s all good.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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