Future Mother of the Day So Far: The Sperm Hunter

The Sperm Hunter

Headline:  I’M SO DESPERATE FOR A BABY I GRAB STRANGERS FOR SEX ON NIGHTS WHEN I AM MOST FERTILE

Key quote:  “If Lara, 25, meets a man who wants to use a condom, she will offer one from her purse – which she has already pierced a hole in.”

Editor’s note:  I know what you’re thinking, and I agree — The Sperm Hunter would make an AMAZING reality show.  Twelve women compete for the sperm and STDs of random men in bars with weapons such as broken condoms and beer goggles…hosted by field expert Paris Hilton!

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

5 CommentsLeave a comment

  • If this isn’t a joke, it’s disgusting, dangerous, and totally unethical. Sick, really, and pathetic. Ugh.

  • It’s funny how so many people have that “baby doll syndrome.” They look at babies, with their cute little shoes and hats. They think they’re adorable and precious. They don’t take into consideration that they’ll be cleaning up vomit, doing homework AGAIN, doctors visits, dentists, college costs, and,,, in this whackjob’s case, therapy costs!! That’s real good, tell your child he/she is the result of a one night stand. I’m sure he’ll be forever grateful!

  • More proof that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Especially since the first rule of parenting is being UNSELFISH!