Future Mother of the Day So Far: The Sperm Hunter

The Sperm Hunter

Headline:  I’M SO DESPERATE FOR A BABY I GRAB STRANGERS FOR SEX ON NIGHTS WHEN I AM MOST FERTILE

Key quote:  “If Lara, 25, meets a man who wants to use a condom, she will offer one from her purse – which she has already pierced a hole in.”

Editor’s note:  I know what you’re thinking, and I agree — The Sperm Hunter would make an AMAZING reality show.  Twelve women compete for the sperm and STDs of random men in bars with weapons such as broken condoms and beer goggles…hosted by field expert Paris Hilton!

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.

5 Comments

  1. Dayelily

    Nov 10, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Wow. She says she “knows she would make a great mum,” huh??? Interesting.

  2. Deeva

    Nov 10, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Disturbing.

  3. Dan

    Nov 11, 2010 at 10:45 am

    If this isn’t a joke, it’s disgusting, dangerous, and totally unethical. Sick, really, and pathetic. Ugh.

  4. Kate

    Nov 11, 2010 at 10:50 am

    It’s funny how so many people have that “baby doll syndrome.” They look at babies, with their cute little shoes and hats. They think they’re adorable and precious. They don’t take into consideration that they’ll be cleaning up vomit, doing homework AGAIN, doctors visits, dentists, college costs, and,,, in this whackjob’s case, therapy costs!! That’s real good, tell your child he/she is the result of a one night stand. I’m sure he’ll be forever grateful!

  5. Leo the Yardie Chick

    Nov 15, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    More proof that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Especially since the first rule of parenting is being UNSELFISH!