Non-Mother of the Day So Far: Woman Who Strips Outside Bar to Give Birth Isn’t Actually Pregnant

That’s right, in today’s episode of I Didn’t Know I Was NOT pregnant

An irate woman who stripped outside a Wisconsin bar claiming she was about to give birth was, in fact, not pregnant, authorities said.

Alcohol was involved, I suspect.  (Can’t get anything by Detective Candy!)

Kyla Brumley, 28, was on her back on the sidewalk — naked from the waist down — when police arrived.  Brumley refused to answer questions from police, instead yelling, “Get it out,” and referencing pain in her genital area. She continued to roll around on the ground as others tried to cover her.

Officers, observing no evidence Brumley was pregnant or in labor (Ed. Note:  Say what?!  I thought rolling around on the ground was the universal sign of labor!), handcuffed her and took her to an area hospital, where staffers confirmed she was not pregnant. At the hospital Brumley continued to yell, physically lash out at those around her and refuse attempts to cover her lower half.

I can’t help but wonder if Goldschläger was involved.  That stuff will do crazy things to you.  Yes, even impregnate you with an invisible baby!  True story.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • This is EXACTLY how my labor went! Except I was actually pregnant, in labor and at the hospital but it felt like the situation that lady was actually having.

    A nightmare.