Parenting Tip of the Day

A frustrated parent considers ending the misery by applying the hammer to her head

Before having children, it is highly recommended that you obtain a PhD in Mechanical Engineering from a respected university.  With this particular wealth of knowledge, you likely will be better equipped to handle the challenging — if not impossible — technical responsibilities of parenting, such as changing the batteries in a plastic talking penguin.  Because, as any top engineer will attest, most children’s toys are harder to dismantle and assemble than the Space Shuttle, and with infinitely more parts.

Also, the eight years of schooling will afford plenty of time to ruminate over the question every prospective parent should ask himself prior to forgoing the condom:

“Do I really want to put myself in the position of wanting to murder an uncooperative plastic penguin?”

This has been your important Parenting Tip of the Day!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).