Before having children, it is highly recommended that you obtain a PhD in Mechanical Engineering from a respected university. With this particular wealth of knowledge, you likely will be better equipped to handle the challenging — if not impossible — technical responsibilities of parenting, such as changing the batteries in a plastic talking penguin. Because, as any top engineer will attest, most children’s toys are harder to dismantle and assemble than the Space Shuttle, and with infinitely more parts.
Also, the eight years of schooling will afford plenty of time to ruminate over the question every prospective parent should ask himself prior to forgoing the condom:
“Do I really want to put myself in the position of wanting to murder an uncooperative plastic penguin?”
This has been your important Parenting Tip of the Day!