Why Are Mothers Such Judgy McJudgers?

May 26, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News

"You're bottle feeding? The HORROR!"

A great article in today’s USA Today that touches upon one of my pet peeves: moms who judge other moms. An excerpt from the story:

Although mothers can provide one another with invaluable advice and understanding, they also can be quick to cut one another down, making devoted mothers feel inadequate, says Wendy Sue Swanson, a pediatrician and mother of two.

“I call it ‘competitive parenting,’ ” says Swanson, who writes the blog Seattle Mama Doc (seattlechildrens.org/seattle-mama-doc). “Other parents can be so helpful. They tell you about a product and it changes your life. But they can also make you feel like junk.”

Though women might shrug off criticism about other aspects of their lives, many say they feel crushed when someone picks apart their parenting — the job they care about most. “We’re all so desperately in love with our babies,” Swanson says.

And it’s tough to have a thick skin when they’re exhausted, sleep-deprived and under the influence of wild hormonal fluctuations from pregnancy or nursing, says psychotherapist Jenn Berman, author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids.

“Being a mom can be scary and isolating, and we’re all insecure about the job we’re doing,” March of Dimes blogger Andrea Moleski says. “It’s rare that someone tells you you’re a good mom. That’s why we get so defensive. It confirms our worst fears.”

The best gift people can give to a mother, Moleski says, is to tell her she’s doing a good job.

“We put a lot of pressure on ourselves,” she says. “The parenting decisions people make all stem from the love they have for their children.”

True dat. So to all of you mamas out there: YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!

Well, except for YOU over there. You know who you are. I can’t believe you dressed your kid in that. Tsk-tsk.

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About Candy

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.