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Storktionary: Baby-whipped

Family & Parenting Humor

Storktionary: Baby-whipped

Baby-whipped (adj.)

1.  The state of being controlled by a 29-inch-long human being who drools and babbles;

2.  Marked by overwhelming affection, to the point that a mother will walk into a Nordstrom’s sale with $100 and spend $96 of it on her baby instead of herself — even though said baby will grow out of the clothes in approximately two seconds;

3.  When your baby has better bedroom furniture than you do;

4.  The ability to withstand bites, kicks, slaps, hair pulls and other abuse that you wouldn’t tolerate from anybody else.

Sentence usage:

“Why are you holding the baby while she naps?  I thought you had work to do.”

“Because I’m baby-whipped!”

More Storktionary parenting terms…

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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