Baby Fight Club
May 20, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column, Musings | Tags: Help Me, Ouch

I don’t remember applying to become a member of this particular club, but I’ve somehow become an unwitting participant anyway. What you see above is NOT me breaking into hives due to my severe allergies to vacuuming — although it’s been known to happen, which is why I must stay at least ten feet away from any and all cleaning devices — but rather the result of Miss Skye’s “affection.”
Sadly, baby kisses have given way to painful scratches (see pic), hair pulls, slaps, playful bites and tugging-eyes-out-of-sockets-kind-of-fun. Skye laughs maniacally while doing so, then always follows her assault with a heart-melting hug — thus convincing me she only does it out of love.
“That’s what victims of abuse always say,” Mr. Candy told me, shaking his head.
Well, I’ve already said too much. Because you all know the first rule of Baby Fight Club…













ColleenG118
says:
LOL! That’s one thing all the pregnancy and parenting books NEVER mentioned. The physical abuse you can expect to get as your baby gets bigger and stronger. I have a 2 year old, and not day goes by that I’m not kicked (HARD) while changing a diaper, pinched while holding hands, slapped, bit… it goes on and on. And it hurts, A LOT. I can handle the messy house, mounting debt and lack of real sleep, but I didn’t sign up for a daily beating.
May 20th, 2010 at 4:37 pm -Candy
says:
Oh dear. That’s it; I’m investing in full-body armor.
May 21st, 2010 at 12:14 am -J-Force
says:
I, too, usually look like I just got out of an Olympic wrestling match, but the truth is that my 16-months old son is a human wrecking ball. With nails. And teeth.
May 21st, 2010 at 3:25 pm -Deeva
says:
Colleen is right, it only gets worse. Boys are even worse.
May 21st, 2010 at 7:58 pm -Gwendolyn
says:
Toddlers seem can so sweet and innocent when sitting in your lap, until they throw their head back and it collides with your nose. *crunch* Black eyes and nose bleeds. Joy.
Tackle hugs when they are 8 also can throw your back out for a week.
May 22nd, 2010 at 2:34 pm -Eize
says:
The best way to avoid these bruises is to hold them close to your chest with their backs towards you.
This is also a good time to start telling them “NO”. E.g., “Owwie, NO!”
May 24th, 2010 at 9:53 am -