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Baby Fight Club

Candy's Column

Baby Fight Club

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I don’t remember applying to become a member of this particular club, but I’ve somehow become an unwitting participant anyway.  What you see above is NOT me breaking into hives due to my severe allergies to vacuuming — although it’s been known to happen, which is why I must stay at least ten feet away from any and all cleaning devices — but rather the result of Miss Skye’s “affection.”

Sadly, baby kisses have given way to painful scratches (see pic), hair pulls, slaps, playful bites and tugging-eyes-out-of-sockets-kind-of-fun.  Skye laughs maniacally while doing so, then always follows her assault with a heart-melting hug — thus convincing me she only does it out of love.

“That’s what victims of abuse always say,” Mr. Candy told me, shaking his head.

Well, I’ve already said too much.  Because you all know the first rule of Baby Fight Club…

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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