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A Dark Day for Mr. Candy

Family & Parenting Humor

A Dark Day for Mr. Candy

“Can’t we get something in the mail besides bills, bills, bills?” Mr. Candy had grumbled earlier this week.  Ask and you shall receive, my dear hubby.  Because an exciting offer just arrived for you in our mailbox!

I handed this to Mr. C, tears streaming down my face.  Tears of laughter, that is.

“This is a dark day for you,” I warned.

“Why?  ARE WE OUT OF HERSHEY’S SYRUP?” he cried in horror.  Mr. Candy simply cannot get through an evening without chugging a massive glass of chocolate milk.

“No.  Just… look at your mail.”  An actual snort of laughter may have followed.  I can neither confirm nor deny whether this embarrassing snort occurred.

“Oh god.  What the –?  This is not good.  This is not good,” Mr. Candy kept mumbling.  Then he looked at me.  “You are just loving this, aren’t you?”

I may or may not have been holding my legs together to avoid peeing myself laughing at this point.

“I guess 35 is the new 55!” I declared, laughing at my own joke as I so often do.  “It was probably your Huey Lewis CD collection that tipped them off…”

“I hope you DO pee your pants,” my hubby sniffed before shuffling off to the kitchen to console himself with TWO glasses of chocolate milk.

Please.  I think we all know if anybody is going to be peeing his/her pants around here, it’s going to be the AARP member.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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