The Laughing Stork

A Dark Day for Mr. Candy

“Can’t we get something in the mail besides bills, bills, bills?” Mr. Candy had grumbled earlier this week.  Ask and you shall receive, my dear hubby.  Because an exciting offer just arrived for you in our mailbox!

I handed this to Mr. C, tears streaming down my face.  Tears of laughter, that is.

“This is a dark day for you,” I warned.

“Why?  ARE WE OUT OF HERSHEY’S SYRUP?” he cried in horror.  Mr. Candy simply cannot get through an evening without chugging a massive glass of chocolate milk.

“No.  Just… look at your mail.”  An actual snort of laughter may have followed.  I can neither confirm nor deny whether this embarrassing snort occurred.

“Oh god.  What the –?  This is not good.  This is not good,” Mr. Candy kept mumbling.  Then he looked at me.  “You are just loving this, aren’t you?”

I may or may not have been holding my legs together to avoid peeing myself laughing at this point.

“I guess 35 is the new 55!” I declared, laughing at my own joke as I so often do.  “It was probably your Huey Lewis CD collection that tipped them off…”

“I hope you DO pee your pants,” my hubby sniffed before shuffling off to the kitchen to console himself with TWO glasses of chocolate milk.

Please.  I think we all know if anybody is going to be peeing his/her pants around here, it’s going to be the AARP member.

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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur.


  • For my first date with Mr. Cowgirl, he was so excited about his “new” Huey Lewis CD that he played it the entire time. And no, this wasn’t in the 80’s, when that would have been perfectly acceptable.

    I’ll be looking for his AARP membership form in the mail.

  • I can’t believe we haven’t gotten anything from AARP. My husband listens to the Eagles religiously!

  • First, let me clarify that I was drinking chocolate milk, not Ovaltine.

    Second, I can confirm there was a snort.

    Finally, Cowgirl, I assume since you married Mr. Cowgirl he must have played one of the classics like Sports or Fore and awed you with his taste in classic 80s music.

  • Mr. Candy, you must know Mr. Cowgirl. It was Sports. If it had been Fore, I could have broken out the dance routine I have to “It’s Hip to be Square” and I would have knocked his socks off. As it was, I had to rely on beating him at logic puzzles to win him over.

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