Top 10 Things I Dread Most About the Holidays
10. Having to break out the maternity jeans again after gorging on my sister’s peanut butter cookies with Hershey’s Kisses (See also: Things I Most Look Forward to).
9. All I want for Christmas… is to get Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas” out of my head.
8. Lugging all of Skylar’s Christmas presents from coast-to-coast. (See also: Things Skylar Most Looks Forward to).
7. Radio stations playing holiday music 24/7 SINCE HALLOWEEN.
6. Retailers’ holiday catalogs, e-flyers and commercials… Oh, my!
5. Revisiting Ali Lohan’s “Lohan Holiday,” which has sold at LEAST a dozen CDs since 2006. (I dread it, and yet I MUST.)
4. Finding pine needles on our floor… and in my hair… and in the cats’ fur… and in the baby’s diaper… for the next year.
3. Having my eyes assaulted by the unexpected Slutty Santa Outfit. (This year, see: Octomom.)
2. Trying to think of a good present for Mr. Candy. (“Oh, black socks AGAIN…! Er, thanks.”)
1. End-of-year family updates. You know, those annual mass “What the Smiths Did in 2009!” summaries that people stuff in their holiday cards…? Have mercy, folks, and just give bullet points throughout the year. (See also: Why Facebook exists.)
All that being said, I also look forward to this Christmas more than I have since, well… my Jewish friend Sarah told me there was no Santa Claus when I was FOUR YEARS OLD. You know why, right? Because I get to dress Miss Skye in a SANTA HAT. Woo-hoo!