Laughing Stork Sports Edition: Tiger Woods Did Not Have a Stellar Weekend

As many of you have likely already heard, Tiger Woods is in trouble with a capital “OH BOY.”  In short, Tiger and his wife Elin allegedly got in a fight about Tiger having an affair, during which Elin may or may not have beaten the crap out of him, and then Tiger crashed his SUV trying to get the hell out of there — leaving him lying unconscious outside of his neighbor’s house.

Yes, Christmas has come early for TMZ this year.

Tiger has been fairly (and unwisely?) tight-lipped about the situation so far, canceling several interviews with investigators and posting only this statement on his site:

“As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.”

Oh, Tiger.  Hear that…?  That’s the sound of a $105-million Nike contract swooshing down the toilet.

P.S.  You should be proud of me for not making a single pun using “Woods” or “birdie.”  That required a LOT of self-restraint on my part.