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He Said, She Said with Candy and Mr. Candy

Mr. Candy

He Said, She Said with Candy and Mr. Candy

I thought it would be fun to pose questions about the parenting experience to both Mr. Candy and me — and answer them independently of each other, then post and compare the responses.  (Fun and a sneaky way to encourage Mr. Candy to get all mushy!)  So I e-mailed the questions to my hubby and, well, here are the results:

1. Most surprising thing about the pregnancy experience:

CANDY: That, after the first four months of hell called “morning sickness,” I actually enjoyed being pregnant – and didn’t even want to kill people who touched my big ol’ belly.

MR. CANDY: When Candy said pregnancy agreed with her.

2. Most surprising thing about labor & delivery:

CANDY: How easy it was.  Of course, I was high off of several large hits of Epidural Juice.

MR. CANDY: How quickly it went.

3. Best thing about becoming a parent:

CANDY: Waking up and seeing my daughter’s face every morning – and observing what genius new thing she does that day.  (Oh!  And, of course, BABY HATS!)

MR. CANDY: Holding your baby.

4. Least favorite thing about becoming a parent:

CANDY: No time to myself. Can’t work, can’t bathe, can’t clean up messes around the house (or so I claim).

MR. CANDY: 24 hour, 7 day a week job.

5. Most surprising thing about becoming a parent:

CANDY: That I actually do have maternal instincts. I was a little concerned about that. But they’re there!  Strong ones, I think. Also didn’t expect to experience such poignant separation anxiety when I’m away from the baby for any amount of time.  I’m a total nutjob when it comes to that.

MR. CANDY: How many diapers I have had to change.

6.  Fill in the blanks:

a.  When I saw the baby emerge from Candy, I immediately wanted to ________.
b.  Having a baby really ___________ our marriage.
c.  I love watching my spouse ________ with/to Skylar.

CANDY:

a. When I saw the baby emerge from Candy, I immediately wanted to cry.

b. Having a baby really gives us less time to focus on our marriage.

c. I love watching my spouse give Skylar baths.

MR. CANDY:

a. When I saw the baby emerge from Candy, I immediately wanted to tell the doctor to stop pulling and twisting so hard on Skylar.

b. Having a baby really changed our marriage into a partnership unlike it had ever been before.

c. I love watching my spouse take a nap with Skylar.

7.  Biggest change in my spouse’s behavior since having a baby:

CANDY: That, while it’s a struggle to get him to bathe on the weekends, he actually JUMPS at the chance to bathe Skye and change her diapers.

MR. CANDY: She whips out the boob way more often than she ever did before. If I knew all I had to do was cry, I would have done it way more often.

8. Biggest change in MY behavior since having a baby:

CANDY: Barely drink alcohol anymore.  O Cuervo, Cuervo!  Wherefore art thou, Cuervo?

MR. CANDY: I take way more pictures than I ever did.

9. Word association. When I say ____________, you immediately think…

CANDY:

Labor: Got drugs?

Sex: Some day.

Nursing bra: Ugh.

Diapers: Endless.

Parenthood: Life-changing.

MR. CANDY:

Labor: Unions

Sex: Male

Nursing bra: Sexiest lingerie I have seen in months

Diapers: Dirty

Parenthood: Biggest job in my life

10. What I most look forward to over the next year of parenting:

CANDY: Watching my daughter master quadratic equations. Well, that, and having her reach out for me for the first time. AND when I stop nursing so my breasts deflate to a relatively normal size again.  That will be a beautiful moment, indeed.

MR. CANDY: Earlier bed times.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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