Great Moments in Celebrity Scandals: David Letterman Blackmailed Over Office Affairs

Oh, thank goodness — a tabloid-worthy story that doesn’t involve the word “Gosselin.”

David Letterman has revealed that he was the victim of a $2-million extortion attempt related to his sexual relations with “Late Show” staffers.

I wonder if one of Dave’s pick-up lines was, “Wanna see if it floats?”

During a taping for Thursday night’s broadcast (awk-ward!), Dave told viewers that three weeks ago he was approached by a person who claimed to have information about the host’s affairs with female staff members.  This person, Dave said, threatened to expose the relationships unless payment of $2 million was received.

You know who’s behind this, don’t you?  One word:  PALIN!

Dave then approached the Manhattan district attorney’s office, which began an investigation that culminated in Thursday’s arrest of the person, whom police identified as NOT Palin, surprisingly, but rather 51-year-old “48 Hours” producer Robert Halderman.  You’d think Halderman would know enough about crime by now to PROPERLY blackmail a person.  Geesh.

Dave, 62, said that during his grand jury testimony he admitted to having the sexual relationships.

“My response to that is yes I have,” he told his studio audience. “Would it be embarrassing if it were made public?  Perhaps — especially for the women,” he joked.

“It’s been a very bizarre experience,” Dave added. “I feel like I need to protect my family. I need to protect myself and I hope to protect my job.”

I’m sure Dave’s wife, who’s been his companion since 1986, is pleased.  Let’s just hope there are no sex videos produced by his company, Worldwide I Wanna Get In Your Pants.