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Countdown to Tears

Candy's Column

Countdown to Tears

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My mom just poked her head in before going to bed, and rather than the usual “good-night, love you,” she asked when she should start crying because I haven’t gone into labor yet.   This is what it’s come to, people.  Until now I’ve been able to distract my parents with day trips to Santa Monica and a pantry full of sugary snacks, but the gig is up.  The pressure is on.  I have eight days left to produce The Granddaughter before they must return to Pennsylvania.  If Baby Girl stubbornly remains in Club Uterus, I will have let my parents down in a way I haven’t let ANYONE down since informing Grandma Kirby I got a job as a staff writer for CBS’s The Bold and the Beautiful.  To which Grandma replied:  “You REALLY should have gone to law school.”

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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