Top 10 “Bad Boy” Names

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A new study in Social Science Quarterly — which I never miss an issue of — claims the more unpopular, uncommon or feminine a boy’s first name, the greater the chance he will end up behind bars.

So just what are the top 10 “bad boy” names in the United States…?  They would be:  Alec; Ernest; Garland; Ivan; Kareem; Luke; Malcolm; Preston; Tyrell; and Walter.

That’s right!  Don’t mess with Walter.  He’ll cut a bitch for beating him in Scrabble.

Shippensburg University professor David Kalist’s report shows that “unpopular names are likely not the cause of crime.”   Rather, it’s the factors often associated with those names that can “increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency.”  For example, boys with uncommon names are often ridiculed by peers, come from families of low socioeconomic status and face discrimination in the workforce, according to the study.

Oh please.  People warned my parents I would end up a hooker or a stripper if they named me “Candy.”  And look at me!  I NEVER dabbled in prostitution.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. She also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats who enjoy blanketing every inch of the house in kitty fur. For more of Candy's nonsense, check out her personal Twitter, The Laughing Stork's Twitter and The Laughing Stork's Facebook page.

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14 Comments

  1. quanon

    July 17, 2009 at 8:01 am

    “Oh please” you say? Are you snubbing the study based on your experience? Then you need to park your mouth, open your brain, and learn a tiny bit about statistics. Statistics are about groups, and tendencies exhibited within the groups. There are always outliers, and their presence does not void the overall group’s tendency – they simply keep the results from being 100%. That’s why words like “tends”, “usually” and “norm” are used. Anyone that thinks a single exception (like yourself) ruins the message of a statistical conclusion needs to go back to sixth grade and retake math (like yourself).

    • MH

      July 17, 2009 at 9:57 am

      Whoa, man, calmate! Who shit in your coffee this morning?

  2. martini lover

    July 17, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    anyone that thinks candy was being serious needs to take the stick out of their ass and take sense of humor 101 (like quanon).

  3. Peta

    July 17, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Quanon, you do realise that you’re on a satire web site…right? or are you one of those people who thinks The Daily Show and The Onion are accurate news sources?

  4. Happy Go Lucky

    July 18, 2009 at 7:03 am

    Hey Candy! don’t know if you saw this:
    http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/31960846?GT1=43001

    Sweet shout out! Just wanted to share :-)

  5. Mom and Grandmom

    July 18, 2009 at 7:10 am

    Oddly enough, I grew up with a ‘different’ name (still hear ‘wow, that’s a. unique, b. different, c. interesting, d. unusual)..yet I never grew up to be a serial killer, etc. and yes I was teased horribly as a child about my name..guess what?? I had parents who made me feel good about myself, and I just got a stronger character.

  6. Candy

    July 18, 2009 at 10:57 am

    How ’bout that! Thanks for the heads up, Happy Go Lucky.

  7. Jenn F.

    July 18, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Ooooh Quanon is a bit SENSITIVE about uncommon names, it would appear.

    And here I thought everyone read this site for the humour!

  8. Moonlight Dancer

    July 18, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    Candy, glad we have someone keeping you honest with your knowledge of statistics. LOL

  9. Debutante

    July 22, 2009 at 10:05 am

    OH NO !! My husband’s name is Preston ! LOL

  10. olddog_newtricks

    July 25, 2009 at 3:45 am

    hi guys,
    i’m a brit who doesn’t understand all the nuances of american humour.

    so, is the paragraph:-

    ‘Shippensburg University professor David Kalist’s report shows that “unpopular names are likely not the cause of crime.” Rather, it’s the factors often associated with those names that can “increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency.”’

    proof that americans do do irony?
    or an example of “damn stoopid yanks”?

    i just don’t know what candy’s tone of voice is as she writes this.

    by the way, love the column, candy.
    i’ll be visiting it again.

    and, just for info, the names alec, luke (or lucas) and malcolm would all be pretty respectable names in uk, and not “bad boy” names.
    but what sort of bad-ass parents would call their boy ivan (“the terrible”)or garland?
    those parents would be first on the list of those serial-killing sons, i reckon, lol!

    thanks for listening :-)

    • shortfire

      August 1, 2009 at 7:11 am

      Candy does irony. David is a stoopid yank. Or, more appropriately, he caters to them.

  11. Alec(ironic)

    November 21, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    Yeah. So my name is Alec, Obviously i will prove this stereotype wrong. I do believe that if people statistically look at the names of killers, names such as “John Smith” and common names would show up. Why would unique, or rare, names show up in a system considering that out of a survey Sullivan is a common name, but Alec Sullivan is a name that only 7 people on earth have. I’m sure there is a better chance of having two John Sullivans committing murder.

  12. Ton Press

    September 12, 2010 at 3:34 am

    Hi,

    What a great list. I am always on the look for top lists, and your list is great starting point. Lists are very useful.

    I found your blog from yahoo. Really Awesome entry.

    Will visit again.
    Thanks

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