Talk About a Fun Party Ice Breaker

Jun 30, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column

Nothing gets a party started like a good vaginal discharge story, so I’ll kick it off: I was enjoying dinner last night at California Pizza Kitchen, where my Waldorf Chicken Salad unexpectedly came with a side of mucus plug.

No wonder I’m never invited to parties.

I went to the ladies’ room — because I’d only urinated two billion times in the past hour — and I was greeted with a handful of “OH DEAR GOD, I’VE GIVEN BIRTH TO GHOST SLIME!”

As luck would have it, Mr. Candy and I were dining with my cousin who is a labor and delivery nurse. To her, this is scintillating dinner conversation. When I returned to the table and announced we were the proud parents of a bouncing bundle of ghost slime, her face lit up: “Your mucus plug came out!”

[Ed. note: Mom, you should probably grab the smelling salts for Dad at this point.]

Oh! Right! The mucus plug! I KNEW that. *AHEM*

According to my cousin and the four-hundred-thousand totally credible pregnancy message forums I scoured last night, this could mean labor is imminent OR… not. Predicting labor is a precise science like that. Especially because the plug was totally clear. Like, um, snot. (Deep breaths, Dad. In… and out…) I can tell you it DOES mean I got my ass in gear and (over)packed my hospital bag as soon as we got home, and that every sound I utter makes Mr. Candy jump ten feet in the air now.

“Are you okay? Are you okay?!”

“Don’t worry, hon. Just humming along to ‘Bust a Move!’ …Says she wanna dance cuz she likes the groove. So come on, fatso, and just bust a move…”

I was concerned that 36 weeks was too early, that I should do everything in my power to cook Baby Girl a little while longer, but Cousin Michelle assures me it’s all good at this point: “If things are moving along, it means she’s ready to come out.”

Or, as my mom put it, “She must be a nosy little thing!”

Seriously, at your next office party, just try it as an ice-breaker: “So… seen any good mucus plugs lately?”

7 Comments

7 Responses to “Talk About a Fun Party Ice Breaker”

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momma puppet says:

You never cease to crack me up, Candy! When’s the book coming out?
June 30th, 2009 at 1:22 pm - Reply
Cowgirl in the Sand says:

Congrats on your ghost slime! My son was born at 36 weeks and was just fine. And our 2 day stay in the hospital after he was born was PLENTY of time for my husband and in-laws to put our nursery together.
June 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm - Reply
Candy says:

Thanks, Momma P. I was, in fact, making good progress on a book that’s an offshoot of this site…until the past month or so. These days I consider myself productive if I just remember to brush my teeth. (Note to self: Add breath mints to grocery list.)

VERY good to know, Cowgirl. And that bowling ball sensation you’d once mentioned…? I get it now. Yikes.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:01 pm - Reply
helloandie says:

mmmm the mucus plug. i can still picture that wonderful image way, way too well.
yay! my water broke!
2 hours later …
what the.. what IS that!?
June 30th, 2009 at 3:02 pm - Reply
Gina from Oregon says:

How exciting!! When I lost my plug I went into the labor the same night. Could be anytime now mama!!
June 30th, 2009 at 3:41 pm - Reply
Rebecca says:

Yay! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you Candy!
July 1st, 2009 at 1:52 am - Reply
meg says:

Sick!
August 20th, 2009 at 3:13 pm - Reply