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Boy Really Takes Education by the Balls

In the News

Boy Really Takes Education by the Balls

"This is why I'm never having kids."

Worried your children aren’t taking their education seriously enough?  Well, this story should most certainly reassure you!

Last week at a Dallas-area high school, a ninth grader was dared to eat parts of a fetal pig for a whopping fifty bucks.  Possessing the common sense of gravel, he of course agreed.

No word on whether he was double-hog dared.

But wait…!  There’s more…!

“What was I eating?” the boy recalled asking.

Testicles, the students replied.

That’s right: the boy chowed down on formaldehyde-soaked pig balls.

“It was just like swallowing a pill,” said the 15-year-old, who is not being identified because of his age. “It wasn’t that bad.”

(Note to self:  Possible appetizer for Fourth of July at Grandma’s?)

School officials and his mother weren’t so nonchalant about his toxically tasty treat, immediately taking him to the hospital.

“She said, ‘How could you be so stupid?'” the boy said.

After the hospital, Balls Breath Boy went home and brushed his teeth -– three times.  The boy said he collected $40, but owes his mom $100 for the hospital visit.  D’oh.

“It wasn’t very smart,”  Balls Breath Boy admitted.

But I’m sure the girls are just lining up for a kiss!  Mmmmm.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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