End-of-Week News Deliveries

A guide to fighting “constructively” in front of the kids.  Surprisingly, bitch slaps are apparently not considered constructive.  [New York Times]

Britney Spears is pregnant, according to Ryan Secrest… who heard the news from Paula Abdul, who heard it from the voices in her head.  [CelebWarship]

A 44-year-old PTA mom caught having oral sex with 13-year-old boy.  Guess PTA stands for “Pretty Terrible (Sex) Acts” these days. [The News-Times]

Does new mom Tori Spelling need weight rehab?  Here’s my recommended 12-step program:  Eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat. [popbytes]

Toymaker Hasbro’s profits fell 47 percent during the first quarter as consumers bought fewer toys, and children forced to play with –*GASP* — last year’s Playstation games.  So, so sad.  [MarketWatch]

Heidi Klum and Seal are hoping for a girl, while Heidi’s womb is hoping for a break.  [Glam Baby Bumps]

How to recycle old sex toys.  That’s right:  Save the environment by going green with your used dildo peen!  [BlackBook]

A woman reveals “why I love my kid more than my husband.”   Somewhere, Freud is saying, “Tell me something I don’t know, lady.”  [The Frisky]

Don’t forget to submit your caption in our first-ever “caption this picture” contest with, yes, PRIZES!  Winner will be announced on Monday.  [TLS]

As I mentioned in yesterday’s column, Mr. Candy and I are currently in Central Pennsylvania — NO, we are not traveling around town in a horse and buggy, thankyouverymuch — for our baby shower tomorrow and return to Los Angeles on Sunday.  More frequent posts to resume on Monday and a new video blog is set to air next week, as well.  Have a great weekend, everyone!