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Today’s “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” Report: Michigan Edition

In the News

Today’s “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” Report: Michigan Edition

SURPRISE!I am utterly fascinated by these tales of women who “didn’t know” they were pregnant and — SURPRISE! — pop out an eight-pounder in a McDonald’s bathroom.  “WE HAD NO IDEA!”  Kind of like parents who “have no idea” their sons with an affinity for feathered hats and “Hello, Dolly!” are gay.

Denial:  not just a river in Africa.  Or what I employ when I try to pull on my pre-pregnancy jeans.

A couple in Michigan,  Carri and Ryan Emmons, recently had this very experience when the father called 911 in a panic because his wife was — SURPRISE! — giving birth in their bathtub.

The dispatcher reports that she could hear Carri yelling that she “thinks she’s having a baby,” quickly followed by Carri screaming something a bit more definitive: “The head is out!”

I’m no doctor, but yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s one of the signs of labor.

“Oh my God, I’m looking at a baby,” the 31-year-old father announced as the dispatcher tried to calm him down and get an address to send medical personnel.

“I didn’t know my wife was pregnant,” Ryan said of his 27-year-old wife, already a mother of three.

“You didn’t know she was pregnant?” the dispatcher asked.

“No, no,” Ryan answers. “(I) had no idea my wife was pregnant.”

And when you see this picture of Carri taken just days before giving birth, you’ll see why they had no idea:

Yes, this is a joke

Yes, this is a joke

Well, no wonder!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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